Jellybean's World

2003-12-30T19:27:00.000-05:00

Just so this is at the top of the page:

The new and improved Jellybean's World!!

2003-12-16T15:57:00.000-05:00

Problem fixed!

For those of you who tried the link, and it was not working, it is now, so don't go all freakin out on me now! But to hold you over, I found this great quote:

"The real art of conversation is not only to say the right thing in the right place but to leave unsaid the wrong thing at the tempting moment."
Dorothy Nevill

2003-12-15T17:33:00.000-05:00

New blog!!!!!

Heya there!! I have great news!!! ::does a dance:: Hehe, I'm very happy about this. I have my new blog all set up now in movable type, hosted by the wonderful Mel, and it's all set up now, so go there from now on. I have all the messages from here on there, so if you wanted to read something again, don't worry about that. Anyway, I don't have a hell of a lot of time now, so I can't get a nifty template for it, so it'll be all blah looking for now. I'm hoping to get something done tomorrow night about that. I was thinking I could use this one, but I need a change, so I'm on the hunt for a new template. If you've got any links to good templates, let me know now!! Heh, anyway, I better put the link here before I forget:

The new blog!!!!!

I had an interesting night to say the least. I'm gonna post a new message about it to the new blog, so go there to read about it. Now!! ;o)

2003-12-11T17:32:00.000-05:00

"Well, fingering is a very personal thing." -Sean

Ahahahahahaha, I just had to use that as my title. It's such a great quote. It's really about playing the piano, but I thought it was appropriate for the blog. Anything really is appropriate, but whether it's good enough is really the question. So consider yourself very special, Sean, that I quoted you and put that as my title.

Don't you hate it when you wake up in the middle of the night for some unknown reason, and just sit completely up in bed, all disoriented and such, and then look at the clock and think, "Shit, I still have time left to sleep. Why the hell am I up now?" That happened to me this morning, and usually I'll wake up, but not sit completely up in bed; I'll just be laying there, and open my eyes. This morning I actually sat up all wide eyed, and got all pissed that I was up at that time. I know, I'm weird. Maybe it just happens to me. :shrug:

And another question: Isn't it just so damn wonderful when a fellow employee wears wwwaaaaayyyyyyy too much fragrance?? I don't usually get affected by it, but damn!! This new guy who is cleaning the bathrooms now wears so much cologne, it lingers in the fucking closet for about half an hour after he leaves!! And it is awful cologne. It doesn't even smell the slightest bit good. Me and the girl who I'm replacing (tomorrow's her last day) call him Stinky. We got to the area called "C-core", and he was cleaning the bathrooms earlier there, and we could still smell his cologne. Goddamn!! I know I use a lot of perfume, but not the whole bottle at once!! Seriously, I spray myself with perfume long before I leave the house for work to let it settle so it's not overwhelming, and sometimes you can't even smell it, cause it ends up being pretty light. I like smelling good. I love perfume. I have an addiction to smelly good things, and I wear a different scent every day (I must have at least 20 bottles of spray/perfume). But this guy goes way overboard. The trasher dude said, "Well, maybe he's trying to smell good for the ladies." I said, "I think he's scaring them away!" Honestly.

That said, I don't have really any news to report, other than spending a godawful amount of money on Christmas presents, but what else is new, right? I spent 2 hours at the mall last night, and I think I'm a bit over half done. The kids shopping should be simple. There's an overabundance of choices of toys I can pick from, so I don't think that'll be too hard. Of course, Melissa choosing between things can be a difficult thing, as I am too indecisive. So we'll just see how this turns out. But, anyway, I ended the night shopping at Ross for myself. Heh, I spent a lot on myself, but I needed stuff, dammit! When you haven't gone clothes shopping for a couple of years, your stuff wears out, and no matter how you take care of it, it doesn't matter. A few years of wearing the stuff repeatedly will do that. So, I bought a couple of pairs of jeans, a shirt, and some socks, and a belt. I think I'll be going back to the mall next week, so I just may acquire more than that.

Alrighty, now's the time to say goodbye. I will be back tomorrow afternoon, and if Sean doesn't monopolize my time as he always ends up doing as I am trying to read email/blog/blogread, etc, maybe I'll get this out earlier. Who knows? Well, I'm gonna end this with a few more quotes, though more serious than Sean's wonderful words of wisdom at the top. Have a superb night and morning!! I hope everyone is doing well!!! Love you all!!!
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"Don't waste time learning the "tricks of the trade." Instead, learn the trade."
--James Charlton

"Laziness is nothing more than the habit of resting before you get tired."
--Jules Renard

"The future belongs to those who believe in the beauty of the dream."
--Eleanor Roosevelt

"A dream is a microscope through which we look at the hidden occurrences in our soul."
--Anon

"Relationships are a prerequisite for producing results beyond ourselves. They expand our imaginations to infinite possibilities that cannot exist in a life of isolation."
--Brian Koslow

"He does not believe who does not live according to his belief."
--Thomas Fuller

"I never forget a face but in your case I'll make an exception."
--Groucho Marx
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Bub bye now!!!

2003-12-08T17:48:00.000-05:00

Yucky Mondays

I know, that sounds like a young kid wrote that, but that's how I felt today. Not because I woke up in a yucky mood, or felt bad, but I had a crappy surprise this morning. I walk into the building, and my supervisor, Jason, decides to tell me that I'd be cleaning the bathrooms for just today, and then go back to training with the other girl, Amy. I almost cried. That was not nice news to give me first thing Monday morning. Especially when you haven't done that for about 4-5 days, thought you'd never have to deal with that bullshit again, and know that almost every damn department had mandatory overtime, so the place is gonna look like a total shithole. (Excuse the language; I'm not too fond of how my day started)

Once I got done the one building's bathrooms, I wasn't in such a bad mood, and I was just getting back in the swing of things, and then I get the freaking cart out of the closet, and the wheel is messed up. The rubber on it was split down the middle, and it was a real bitch to try to push that thing. So I called the boss, and he told me Jason'd be down in 15 minutes. Well, I was almost done the first two bathrooms, which take all of about 45 minutes to get done for both, and I heard Jason page me. I didn't hear the extension number, so I said "F--- that, he'll page me again." (Not to mention, I forgot where the nearest phone was, so I didn't feel like wasting my time looking for one; I was late already, dammit!!) He didn't page me again, but him and the boss came strolling down to find me, and Jason told me that after my break, he'd replace the wheel. Well, that was quite a show there. Him and this other dude that does the "trashing" (aka pushing dumpsters, and emptying them) had one hell of a time trying to get the wheel off. And I'm standing there thinking, "If only Josh were here..." So, that made me even later, and because of all the nasty filth on the floor, I mopped each bathroom, and I ended up having to skip 3 bathrooms. I supplied it, but I knew the second shift bathroom cleaner was coming in, and I had to do what I had to do. I wasn't gonna kill myself, and she's done it to me, so that was another "f--- it" thought I had today. I hate doing that, but it wasn't exactly my fault the damn wheel got fucked up.

So. That was the gist of my day. I won't go into anymore details; I'm sure you don't want to hear the lovely happenings of the bathroom cleaner, anyway. I told as many of the guys that I've been getting to know about the new position I have, and this one forklift driver, Tony, asked me if I ever thought about modeling. He said that I'm pretty enough to do it. When someone tells you that, it's hard to know how to react. Especially when it's some 30-40 year old guy who's married telling you that. He's a real nice guy, but that did catch me off-guard.

Everyone else was really nice about the news, and I'm gonna miss some of those guys, but some of 'em just freak me the hell out, and I'm glad I won't have to work around them any more. Most of them aren't of the latter group, tho.

After work, I came home and took my shower, cause I felt real dirty and sweaty after cleaning those nasty-ass bathrooms, and then I took a trip to Walmart. I needed to find a cheap winter coat, that wasn't dry-clean only, for work, and I found some other things I needed, so I was happy about that. I saw my one buddy there; apparently she's working there now. I haven't seen her for quite a bit, so that was nice. I wanted to stop and try to have a short convo, but she was talking to her boss, so I figured that would be a bad idea. I should call her sometime, and see if we can get together. At least I know she's still in the area, anyway. I may do that tonight. Hmmm....

Anyway, I shall go now. I know this wasn't a very inspiring post, but I've had a bad day, and I really didn't wanna blog too much tonight, but I decided to to let you all now I'm still alive. So yes, (to quote one of the residents at my weekend job) "I'm still pluggin along." :o) Well guys and gals, have a wonderful night, and Tuesday morning!!!

2003-12-04T17:21:00.000-05:00

Finally!!

I went home last night all pissed about the Mary Kay package thing, but it was sitting there waiting when I walked in the door. So, I was very thrilled about that. Then, of course I stayed up way too late last night organizing things, not just the stuff I got from the Mary Kay order, but other things around my room and such. I'm so tired now. Bleh.

But I had a very good day, and I think I will enjoy myself immensely with the new job. Yes, I told them I'd take the job, and I was supposed to go back to cleaning the bathrooms tomorrow, even if I did choose to take the new job, but the boss told me I would be with the other girl, training. So, another easy day for me tomorrow.

Damn, I am not at all liking the weather forecast for tomorrow and the weekend. Snow is not a good thing. I just don't want it. It may be pretty to look at, but it is just a big pain in the ass if you've gotta be out driving about in it. Not gonna be very happy if I look out the window tomorrow morning, and it's completely white. That means it's a suck-ass driving trip home, and I won't be coming here if it's that bad. So, that would explain if there is no word from me tomorrow. But I dunno how much they're forecasting, so I might be making a mountain out of a mole hill.

Ah well, I know there was more to blog about, but my heart isn't into it. I dunno why it's been like that lately; maybe because I go home after work, take a shower and then come here. A lot of my good stuff pops into my head in that time period, and I get all excited to get here, but I get sidetracked and stuff, and by the time I get home again tonight, the night's half over for me to do laundry and other crap. In fact, the other night, I didn't even eat dinner til about 7 something. Damn, it's getting late already!! I think I may have to re-think my time schedule here. I think taking my shower right when I get home from work is a good idea, but I'm starting to think that maybe I should just head on over here right after work, and then go home early and take my shower then. I dunno. I know I think too much, but ever since I've been doing this routine after work this week, I've been too tired, I don't get to bed early enough, and I'm eating too late. I know tonight I'm skipping a lot of stuff online, since I want to leave in a few minutes, but I still won't have a hell of a lot of time. Well, I'll try to shower after stopping by here tomorrow (if I am coming over), and then I can leave earlier, and get more done. Ah well. I'll figure out something that works. I just know I have to change something, otherwise it'll just keep annoying me.

Well, here's a couple of quotes for ya, and have a good night, and a great day tomorrow!!! :oD

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The key to a woman's heart is an unexpected gift at an unexpected time."
- Sean Connery as William Forrester in "Finding Forrester"

"Some people think only intellect counts -- knowing how to solve problems, knowing how to get by, knowing how to identify an advantage and seize it. But the functions of
intellect are insufficient without courage, love, friendship, compassion and empathy."
-- Dean Koontz

2003-12-03T17:34:00.000-05:00

Geez!!!

Just a question: How late do UPS guys work? I'm really curious, because it is now 5:30 pm, the arrival date is still today, and it's still in transit. Goddammit. I'm not liking the UPS service at the particular moment!

Like I stated a few moments ago, I'm too damn impatient.

2003-12-03T17:28:00.000-05:00

Too impatient

I'm waaaaay too impatient today. Just ask Sean. I checked my Mary Kay order, and it says it's "in transit" and it left at 8 something this morning, and I just keep checking it, but I see nothing new there. I'm gonna cry if it's not at home when I get there. Seriously. I feel like such a little spoiled kid about it, like waiting for Christmas, and then waking up at like 4 am on Christmas morning and realizing you have to wait another few hours. Dammit. I am not that patient. Never have been, and I doubt that I ever will. Gah.

Well, I have found out some more news about the job. I am going to follow around the girl who is quitting tomorrow for the entire day to see what she does, and I can decide after that whether I want it or not. I think I already have my answer of course, but I'm just going with the flow here. I get a break from my real job anyway, so all is good. And it's payday tomorrow, and I found out that I will be getting paid for the holidays, unlike what was originally thought (Did I write about that yesterday? Damn, I can't remember. Well, if I did, sorry for repeating myself; just so happy about that lil bit of news). Let's see, what other news did I have?? Oh this is not so good news. I also found out that if I do take the new job, then they may offer the first shift position to the now second shift bathroom cleaner. Remember, the one who nearly drove me to murder?? Not really murder, but close. I wanted to get away from her asap. Now, she has the chance to work the same shift as me, and I know I'll be seeing her too much for my liking in that situation. That's another thing I may cry about.

Ah, I almost forgot my dream. It wasn't of a sexual nature (which seems weird not to have anything to do with sex for me), but it really was a bit weird. I was dreaming that I was at my grandmother's house with my sister, and the barn that my grandmother apparently was supposed to own (which isn't really there in the real world) was burning down, and I was completely freaking out. I was so upset, and the firefighters weren't getting there fast enough...it was not a pleasant dream, to say the least. I hope tomorrow I wake up to a nicer dream.

Well, I don't have much else to talk about. Hopefully I will be more energetic tomorrow, and have more to blog about. Other than that, enjoy the quotes below, have a grand ol' night, and I will be back tomorrow!!

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
"Listen or your tongue will keep you deaf."
--Native American Proverb

"If you help others, you will be helped, perhaps tomorrow, perhaps in one hundred years, but you will be helped. Nature must pay off the debt.... It is a mathematical law and all life is mathematics."
--Gurdjieff

"When you can't have what you want, it's time to start wanting what you have."
--Kathleen A. Sutton

"Desperation is sometimes as powerful an inspirer as genius."
--Benjamin Disraeli

2003-12-02T18:04:00.000-05:00

I'm soo happy!!

I'm in pretty damn good mood now. Of course, the morning sucked major ass, to be blunt, but by the end of lunch, I was a very happy girl. Why, you ask? Well, my boss came to sit down at my lunch table (he's a cool guy, so I don't get weirded out by the fact he's my boss), and he told me that the girl I was talking about yesterday who is quitting just gave notice of her quitting, and he asked me if I wanted the job. I was jumping up and down in my mind at this point, and so I just said, "Well, what exactly does she do?" And he told me the gist of what she does, and I'm like "Yeah!!!" It sounds like she's got such a piece of cake job compared to the stupid shit I have to do. I'm not saying her job is completely easy, but just easier than mine since she doesn't have to run around like a chicken with its head cut off to try to get every-damn-thing done that needs to, plus do extras since you know damn well the peson on second shift that is supposed to do part of it, isn't. I just think I'd be happier, even if I would miss a lot of the people I've kinda gotten to know in the main building (I would only be working in the opposite building all day). But it would probably just work out better for me to take the job, since my wrist has been bothering me for a while now. I broke my left wrist in 9th grade from an infamous four-wheeler accident (plus a broken collarbone and pinky, all on the same side), and that's the hand I have to use to wring out the mop with, and the one mop bucket I use is harder to push the handle down, and it's been bothering me for a few weeks. So, if I'd take her job when she leaves, then I wouldn't have to do that constantly and risk really injuring myself from it. So yeah, that'd be a good thing. And, I wouldn't have to walk the Link 3 times a day. There's this thing, it almost looks like a tunnel, and it takes about 3-5 minutes walking from one building to the other if you're walking a pretty good speed. I'm getting quite a lot of exercise from it, but damn am I ready to just plop on the couch and nap for an hour after that!

I don't nap for an hour when I get home, by the way. I come here instead, and blog!! Just for all you guys; my fans!! ;o) I also happen to be too lazy to open a window in Internet Explorer to get a real smiley for that wink I just typed in. Too tired for that even. :oP

Oh, yeah, the boss also complimented me on the work I'm doing too, so that was an added confidence booster there. I finally feel like I'm included in the place now that the people have said I'm doing a good job. Of course, I thought I was doing an okay job before that, but when you've got the kind of job that I have, where you don't normally get compliments, it's always nice to know you're appreciated. It can keep ya going for a long time just hearing someone tell you you're doing a good job for all the shit you gotta put up with. It almost makes it worth it. So, yeah. I'm in a pretty good mood now just from hearing that. Helps me be in a better state of mind for tomorrow.

I need to ask a question: Why would a grown adult put a freakin newspaper section in the toilet?? Just curious, cause I was greeted by that in one of the bathrooms today. Made me wonder if someone was just being a jackass, or if someone was just throwing the paper back into the stall (which there shouldn't be a freaking paper in in the first place!!), and accidentally made it in there. Hmmm...Honestly, people really make me wonder if I'm just weird, or if it's them. Cause I'm not so sure anymore. Maybe it's just me, and that's the norm these days. Weird.....

Anyway, I'm gonna get goin now. It's getting late, and I wanna go lazy around for a bit before I need to call my hunny. Have a great night, guys and gals, and I will be back tomorrow!! :o)
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Oooh, I haven't been giving you quotes lately; sorry. I dunno if anyone actually wants me to post them, but here's some for ya:

"Love, whether newly born, or aroused from a deathlike slumber, must always create sunshine, filling the heart so full of radiance, this it overflows upon the outward world."
--Nathaniel Hawthorne

Keats wrote, "A thing of beauty is a joy forever," and it was also Keats who wrote, "Beauty is truth, truth beauty... that is all ye know on earth, and all ye need to know."

"Talent is cheaper than table salt. What separates the talented individual from the successful one is a lot of hard work." - Stephen King

"It is foolish and wrong to mourn the men who died. Rather, we should thank God that such men lived."
--George S. Patton, Jr

Alrighty, bub bye now!! :o)

2003-12-01T17:08:00.000-05:00

Hey there!!

Sorry, I'm at a lack for what would be a good title. I'm very tired now. I was all energetic earlier; I went grocery shopping, and went to a few other places, but now I just feel beat. Bleh. I blame Sean for writing too long posts and forcing me to read them. Just kidding about the forcing me to read them. I like reading them, but damn! that guy can just talk!! Anyway, I found this idea off of Whitney's blog, which she got off of someone else's, and this is the actual post she stole it from. So I decided I would join in on the fun too! Actually, there's not much to it, since it's basically cutting and pasting.

NOVEMBER:
Has a lot of ideas. (sometimes) Difficult to fathom. Thinks forward. Unique and brilliant. Extraordinary ideas. (Dunno about this one) Sharp thinking. Fine and strong clairvoyance. ~~Can become good doctors.~~ Dynamic in personality. Secretive. Inquisitive. Knows how to dig secrets. Always thinking. (Heh, I can't say I always think, since I do stupid things quite often) Less talkative but amiable. Brave and generous. ~~Patient.~~ Stubborn ~~and hard-hearted.~~ If there is a will, there is a way. Determined. Never give up. Hardly becomes angry unless provoked. Loves to be alone. Thinks differently from others. Sharp-minded. Motivates oneself. ~~Does not appreciates praises.~~ (Hell, I'm not gonna lie, after all) High-spirited. Well-built and tough. Deep love and emotions. Romantic. Uncertain in relationships. ~~Homely.~~ (I certainly hope I'm not!!) Hardworking.(Again, sometimes) High abilities. (This too is questionable.) Trustworthy. Honest and keeps secrets. Not able to control emotions. Unpredictable. (Big yes to this one!!!)

Here's Josh's:

JUNE:
Thinks far with vision. Easily influenced by kindness. Polite and soft-spoken. Having lots of ideas. Sensitive. Active mind. ~~Hesitating, tends to delay.~~ (I would say not most times.) Choosy and always wants the best. (Heh, I can definately agree with that one!!) ~~Temperamental.~~ Funny and humorous. Loves to joke. Good debating skills. Talkative. Daydreamer. (Yes, very active imagination!!!) Friendly. Knows how to make friends. Abiding. Able to show character. ~~Easily hurt.~~ Prone to getting colds. ~~Loves to dress up.~~ (No, no, NO!! We just had a convo about that one) Easily bored. Fussy. ~~Seldom shows emotions.~~(I would say only certain emotions, not all of them make an apperance, but yet he doesn't really always hide them) Takes time to recover when hurt. Brand conscious.(To an extent; he only wants the best quality) Executive. (?????)~~Stubborn.~~ (To put up with me, I don't think this quality really applies)

Anyway, Whitney also made the blog a second time with her great quote:

"It's been far too long since I purchased any new skanky underwear."

Heh, that was a great one. It also applies to me, and I'm not quite proud of that fact.

Anyway, my parents finally were able to get a new vehicle. It's a freaking mini-van, though. It's the biggest vehicle I've ever driven, and, of course, it's windy as hell out there, so driving in a straight line was a bit of challenge a few times, since I'm not used to it, but it's not that difficult now that I've been out and about with it all day. Yes, I had today off, as it was part of my "holiday" (that I'm not getting paid for), since I didn't start a month before Thanksgiving (I was a day late with that, otherwise I woulda been paid for these 3 days), but starting with X-mas, my holidays will be paid from then on. Yay!! I had to work the weekend, but it didn't suck as much, since I had these 3 days off. Quite honestly, I got so bored on Friday, just sitting and doing nothing. That's not how I am all the time, so it was weird, but I've been that way a lot since I've started the job. Today, I've been driving around, and after I finish this, I'm thinkin I'll go get more shopping done, and then go home. By the way, I did finally start the X-mas shopping on Saturday. Sounds sad, but I actually just went to CVS, and saw a SpongeBob X-mas tape, and decided that would be a good one for my nephew, and I also got a few things from the gift shop at work, so I think I'm doing pretty good at this point. I also have some stuff meant as gifts coming in from places I ordered from, so that also helps. I'm still trying to decide on the plan of attack for my hunny's gifts. I'm afraid if I buy it now, he'll go out and get it himself. Which is a possibility. So, I think I'll be waiting another week or two, just to try to avoid that problem. Hopefully it'll just all work out.

Alrighty, I really have to get going now. Have a wonderful night, and I should be back tomorrow!! Bub bye now!!!

2003-11-28T14:48:00.000-05:00

I know...

I've been a bad blogger lately. I was online on Monday and Tuesday of this week, and I still didn't blog. Why, you ask? Because I had almost 200 emails in one freaking account (I have 2 more), and I was also just trying to catch up with Mary Kay stuff, and just ran out of time. I have the day off today, and Monday (yay!!!), and the plans I kinda had didn't work out for today, so I ended up here. I'm on my way to developing more about the blog, but you'll just have to wait and see what turns out. I know, I don't like to wait for stuff either, but you just gotta. So there.

Anyway, how was everyone's Thanksgiving?? I hope everyone got stuffed, and couldn't move, like me. Heh, I'm joking about the not moving thing. I could move, I just didn't want to move. I was perfectly comfy just sitting and reading my magazines, and then having dessert about 3-4 hours later.

And guess what I did when I woke up this morning?? I exercised. I had to. I haven't been doing much of that lately outside of work, and I just knew that I wouldn't be doing anything physical today, so I figured to get it over with right away would be a good idea.

Well, let's see...what has happened these past 2 weeks?? I'm a year older (yes, my birthday was last Sunday; I also changed the counter to the left), and I've worked. My sis and bro-in-law got a new car (well, it's used, but it's only a couple years old, so that makes it new to me), so I may be showing up online more than I was these past few weeks. If only for a few days a week. Hmmmm...one of the girls I work with was looking for a new job, and my dad informed me that she's now quitting her current job, so I may luck out and get the job she's had for a few years. I don't really know everything that's involved in her job, but I do know she sure as hell doesn't rush around like a fool (like me) trying to get everything done, so my job may very well end up better. I hope, anyway. My dad also told me Wednesday morning that the people there (the boss and people who work there) think I'm doing a very good job, so that will give me a better chance of getting a better position. So, yay for me!! (By the way, I heard that the girl was quitting last night, when I first saw my dad, and he found out on Wednesday night, so I haven't been to work since I've found all this out.) I realized, though, that by taking her position (if I am offered that, not to get ahead of myself), I would only be working in the one building, and quite honestly, I've started to enjoy some of the people's company in the main building, so I'd have to deal with that; just starting to enjoy some of the job's aspects, and then going right to a different job a month after I started. I dunno if I really like that part of it, but, of course, that shouldn't be a main reason to not take it. Besides, the way the schedule is, I may very well just walk from the one building to the other like I do already, and I may get to still see some of those people anyway. So it's probably work out no matter what ends up happening.

The only thing that has sucked so far is that I have to work this weekend. I'm not much looking forward to it, but I think I'll survive. I know, getting up at 7 am this morning, and just waiting around until lunchtime was incredibly boring, so it may not be so bad that I have to work tomorrow and Sunday (especially since I have off on Monday too). The weekends aren't usually too sucky anyway. So, I guess I'm not really going anywhere with this.

Well, now I'm too tired to type more to this post. I may write later, but I really don't have much more to say. I guess that's my cue to go away. Bub bye then!!!

2003-11-11T18:30:00.000-05:00

So. Very. Tired.

Bleh. I'm back on first shift this week, and from now on, that's the shift I'll be on. I'm working by myself (thank goodness!!!!), and I'm sooooooo sore from doing that much work. Hell, I haven't even begun the thorough cleaning of the bathrooms I'm supposed to do, just because I wanna get my routine down before I screw myself up even more with the extra shit.

I read in my horoscope book I get a subscription to that the solar eclipse is supposed to be on my birthday. How great is that?? I love that, even though my birthdays have always sucked up til this year, but I am holding out hope for this year (that's why I didn't say 'they will always suck'). I do hold out hope for every year, usually to be disappointed, but this birthday is creeping up on me faster than any other year. I didn't even realize it was in less than 2 weeks!! I was like, "Holy shit!! I'll be 20 in 12 days, and I didn't even notice!! I must be growing up or something!" Heh. I don't think I'll ever completely grow up. I don't want to grow up (I'm a toys 'r us kid...). I hope I never do.

I think my bro-in-law fell back to sleep. His alarm went off, he turned it off (that was half an hour ago), and there was someone honking the horn just a minute ago. Geez, I just woke him up and I've never heard someone say the word fuck so much. Honestly!! And this coming from me, Melissa, who swears way too much herself!! Who says fuck all the time!! That's saying something.

I hate being lactose intolerant. I don't have it really bad, but if I just drink milk straight, I get it bad. Otherwise, I usually don't have that problem. I eat a bowl of cereal every day, and don't have too many problems, but some days it just hits me bad. Like today. I won't go into details, but goddamn, I wish I was normal.

Wait, "I wish I was normal?" Good god, someone get me to the hospital! I don't think I've ever said that. Nor do I want to be that (even though I do a lot of boring, normal things, I do not wish to be classified as that). Ugh. Icky word.

Yes, I am weird. Do I even have to tell you that??

"Junk, someone once said, is what you throw away two weeks before you need it."
--Letty Cottin Pogrebin, Three Daughters

Small little fact: I was invited to be the "ringmaster" of the one webring I belong to: Any-Thing Goes Webring, and I really can't do it since I'm not online as much anymore, but I really would like to. Damn, damn, damn. I need an f-ing computer for myself. I will eventually, and then I can blog every day (oh, the day will come, I promise you that!), and just waste all my time doing useless shit, but it will make me a very happy Melissa!! Oh, did I mention that I was the only one on Blogwise that used my first name as a key word?? I think that's amazingly strange. This freakin moniter keeps moving as I'm typing, and it's making it hard to read what I'm typing. Grr. I dunno why it's shaking like that; I've always typed like this, and I didn't have probs last week with this new desk, so I dunno what the hell's wrong. Hmmm....

Well, I shall wrap this one up. Hopefully, I won't be here long enough to post again, but it's not definite. Anyway, have a good week everyone!!! I may or may not be back later; I'm not making any promises here, since I really don't know myself, but I am hoping to get the chance later, but I will make an effort to at least be online next week. I would hate to be one of those bloggers that doesn't update anymore, even if I'd be busy. I would make time for it since this is my "journal." The way to express myself without acting like a total ass because I suck talking to people.

Anyway, I'll be back soon!!!

(I know that dog has nothing to do with anything; I just thought he was so damn cute!!)

(And if you're reading this hunny, I love you!!!!! )

2003-11-06T12:50:00.000-05:00

No murders last night...

Well, I must say that I made it through yesterday's 8 hours without feeling the urge to kill anyone. I'm only hoping that will last through today and tomorrow.

I'm also hoping I don't get my picture taken for the name badge thingy I was supposed to have gotten the first day I worked. I still don't have that yet, nor do I have a clue as to when I'll be getting it. Probably won't be for another month. Anyway, I'm tired as all hell today, so getting my pic taken would be a bad, bad thing. Then I'd have to somehow find a way to hide it from the eyes of everyone at work, while wearing the badge so I don't get bitched at for not wearing the name badge. Ah hell, I don't think that'll work.

Apparently, with my tiredness, comes a lack of any kind of rational thought. Damn.

This quote is the funniest thing I've read in a quite a bit: "As I expected, I danced much like a drunken ape wearing a flaming thong." Gotten from Whitney's blog. I thought that might cheer you guys up.

This sleeping schedule has really f***ed me up today. And it's all rainy and yucky outside, which as you all have read a million times by me before, I do not like rain, and it makes me sleepy and sometimes cranky. Ugh oh, it looks as though I may not be able to handle Miss Lazy-Ass they call the second shift bathroom cleaner. I've already mentioned my theory to a few people about her. I think she's smart enough to have figured out that if she trains me well, then I'll pick up her slack on first shift, and she can screw around all night (not meant in the sexual sense, for all you dirty minds out there; hey I have one too, otherwise, I wouldn't have even pointed it out ;) ), and it won't show so much. Most people say she doesn't even do anything in the bathrooms (I'd believe it too), and she certainly is doing a good job now, and she keeps reminding me of the most common sense things to do. Plus, she must think she's the greatest damn cleaner out there since she keeps telling me, "Oh, I thought I was the only one that did that!" when, at my other job that I've been at for more than year, that's something they teach you to do everyday! I think she says that as a cover to make me think she does the job well, so I won't think it's her that's just leaving it dirty, and I'll blame it on the people. Heh. Little does she know about me. I can damn well tell when someone hasn't done something like that like they were supposed to. Most of the time. I'm not perfect, but I can tell some of those things. Like this week is the perfect example: Since there is no one on first shift this week, we're cleaning the bathrooms pretty thoroughly (at least I know I am; only half sure she is), so if they look as bad as they do by the time I get there in the mornings next week, I know something's not being done. I even made a schedule of when I'm thoroughly cleaning each bathroom according to the days of the week, and she is gonna do them opposite the days I do them, so they're done twice a week, if you can understand that (I know I don't always make one hell of a lot of sense, especially when I'm extremely tired). So, anyway, that was my theory, up about half the paragraph. I kinda started on a rant, and didn't stop, but that's alright.

No news is good news, right?

I haven't heard anything about the secret development that my blog should be soon having. I'm hoping there aren't problems. I'm really trying not to get impatient and annoying, but I'm really excited about it, and I get like a little kid in a candy store when I think about it. Damn, maybe I am being impatient.

Anyway, "Those are a success who have lived well, laughed often, and loved much; who have gained the respect of intelligent people and the love of children, who have filled their niche and accomplished their task, who leave the world better than they found it, whether by a perfect poem or a rescued soul; who never lacked appreciation of the earth's beauty or failed to express it; who looked for the best in others and gave the best they had."
-- Ralph Waldo Emerson

I think I will have to end this before it gets too long. I might be back with another post, or I may not. I really dunno what's going on today, in any respect. I'm just still crossing my fingers about the picture thing. Please no!!!!

2003-11-05T12:36:00.000-05:00

Love interests will mount later in the day. -Horoscope for today from Astroadvice.com

Heh. I thought that was funny, so I wanted to share that with ya. Anyway, I gotta make this quick, since I will soon have to leave. I just hope I don't end up murdering someone tonight because she'll be annoying the fuck out of me. That's all I have to say about that for now. If I am online tomorrow morning, expect more details about that. We'll have to wait and see. I'm just joking, of course (heh), but seriously it's getting to the point I just want to scream every time I work with her.

Also, I still don't have news on the blog yet (hint, hint Mel ). I hope to know something about it tomorrow (like an email). So for right now, I've got nothing new about that for ya (Mel!!). I'm a pain in the ass sometimes.

Okay, must go now. Have a wonderful hump day!!

2003-11-04T11:23:00.000-05:00

Cleaning...

I actually dreamt of cleaning this morning. That's all I really remember from the dream, just the actual fact of cleaning, but I think that is just the weirdest thing. I know I'm weird that I actually like cleaning, but to dream about it now?? That's just beyond me at the moment. I looked it up on Dream moods, and this was the first paragraph:

Cleaning
To dream that you are cleaning, implies that you are removing some negativity in your life and overcoming major obstacles. You are moving ahead toward a new stage in your life. In particular, if you are cleaning your house, then it signifies that you need to clear out your thoughts and get rid of your old ways and habits. You are seeking self-improvement.

Of course, since I don't remember the rest of the dream, the rest of what the message doesn't really help, since I dunno what I was cleaning:

To dream that you are cleaning an object, represents an aspect of yourself that is not working or functioning as well as it should. If you are cleaning the refrigerator or oven, then it indicates that you are getting to root of a matter or situation. It may also indicate negative feelings about the female role or that you are feeling inferior or stuck in some area of your life.

To dream that you are cleaning out a desk, suggests that you are getting rid of the burdens that has been weighing you down. You are acknowledging your new choices, decisions, and a new sense of freedom.

Hmmm....

Anyway...

I found out yesterday that my parents now have to pay for the rental car out of their pockets, at least for the time being. The damn police are too slow getting the police report out, and so the dumbass lady's car insurance doesn't have the police report yet, so they aren't paying for the car if they don't have that report, so my dad had to pay for another 2 weeks ( I think that's how long he said). They better damn well get reimbursed!! That just doesn't seem right to me, but I don't think that there's much to be done about it now. We'll have to wait and see. Bastards.

I am off to eat my lunch now! Have a great Tuesday, as this is my last blog for the day.

Psst: I will have news about my blog soon. Let's just leave it at that. It's a surprise!! ;o)

2003-11-04T08:59:00.000-05:00

Henri-Frederic Amiel defined charm as "the quality in others that makes us more satisfied with ourselves."

Hey there!! I decided that I could get up early again this morning to come here and blog a bit today, but I don't think it'll happen tomorrow, just so ya know. I think I'll have laundry and shit to do, and I really don't have any other time to do it, so I gotta give something up to make time for it.

Anyway, I'm enjoying my new job. It's really easy, if you've got common sense, a lacking trait in a hell of a lot of people. I know it comes and goes with me, but since it's just cleaning bathrooms, it's not that different from my (every other) weekend job. The boss seems to think I might need more training than really need, but watching both the people who cleaned the bathrooms for awhile, I even see things I could do differently that I do on my other job, and I don't really think I need any more than this week to train. Plus, the girl that cleans the bathrooms on second shift, who I'm training with this week since the guy on first shift had his last day on Friday, is really nice, but she talks soooooooo much, which can pass the time, but when she stops to talk to just about everyone we pass, it starts to drive me insane!! I mean, be friendly and all, but you've got a job to do, and if having a convo with every living soul that you come across is going to make you late, don't stop and talk!!! Gah! I am not that kind of person; I usually keep to myself. And I get my work done, most times. Sometimes it just isn't a good day, and everything just goes to shit, and you can't seem to finish everything at my top quality level, but I really do try. Honestly, if I wasn't there yesterday to help, we would not have gotten all the bathrooms done. Now, we were also doing them pretty thoroughly, but still, she was in no rush to finish early or anything. And I really wanted to clean the cart out this week, and tried to do it, but she was getting impatient, because the closet to put the cart back into is in the men's bathroom, and the guys always go in there around 10 pm. Well, I say, wait until the damn buzzer rings, and then go into there. Then there won't be an overabundance of 'em, since most of them have already gotten outta there. Or let me put it in there, since I walk faster, and I can get it away a lot quicker. She for some reason doesn't think I can handle that. Everytime I went to do that, she just said she'd do it. I know part of it was just niceness, but we got extra shit to do, and I wanna get it done dammit!!

Ah. That felt good. It wasn't really a rant there, or I didn't mean for it to be, but those thoughts were just in my head and I had to get 'em out. I can tell this might very well be a long week. Bleh. Hopefully, the boss will believe me when I say I'm ready to go by myself at the end of the week. I know he wants to make sure I'm thoroughly trained and all, but I just honestly feel like I'm ready now. Maybe another day, and I'll be able to do it tomorrow, even. But I agreed for the whole week, and that I will do. Plus, I have to go take care of my check at the other job on Friday, and set up direct deposit.

Well, I think I shall go now. I think I will blog a bit later, but I just wanted to get that out while it was still "fresh." ;o) Alrighty, have a great Tuesday everyone!! :oD

2003-11-03T12:06:00.000-05:00

Coupla quotes for ya:

Bert Leston Taylor said, "A bore is a man who, when you ask him how he is, tells you."

"We each have all the time there is; our mental and moral status is determined by what we do with it.
-- Mary Blake

"We are what we love, not what loves us." -- Nicholas Cage as Donald Kaufman in "Adaptation."

"Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine."

Oscar Wilde said, "A little sincerity is a dangerous thing, and a great deal of it is absolutely fatal."

"Put me down for a lifetime of success. Give me credit, I'll find ways of paying."
- Madonna as Eva Peron in "Evita"

"We deem those happy who from the experience of life have learnt to bear its ills without being overcome by them."
--Carl Jung 1875-1961, Swiss Psychiatrist

"Every environment you're in should have some sense of whimsy. You have childish tendencies inside that should be celebrated, if not acted out. How dare we take ourselves so seriously we can't play?" -Genieve Gorder, designer on Trading Spaces

2003-11-03T09:56:00.000-05:00

Okay, I'm back!! (if only for a day or two at a time)

I just got here at my sis's so, I'm typing this up quick to explain everything. I'm sorry about not blogging and all, but it's really beyond my control at this time. It sucks too.

I'm working second shift this week, just to let ya know if you were wondering why I'm online at 9 am. I would normally be at work now, but because the guy who I am replacing had his last day on Friday, and my boss wants me to train with someone for awhile more, I am working with the second shift person. So, basically, I got my sleeping all figured out last week, like what time I needed to go to bed and everything, and my body adjusted to that already, but now I have to screw that up again this week, and I probably won't have a "normal" sleeping schedule for at least 2 weeks. Bleh. I'm not too happy about that, but at least it gives me time to do blog this morning and catch up with my email.

So, anyway, let me explain what happened last Tuesday. I went to work, and was doing all that paperwork shit that goes with any new job, and my dad called the boss (Mike), and told him he wasn't coming into work that day, because his wife and daughter got into an accident, and he had to run to the hospital, and tell Missy that she'd get a ride from Dorothy, and she got off work at 4:30 (I was supposed to get off work at 3:30). Then he hung up on Mike just as Mike tried to say that I was there in the office. So, Mike kept trying to get a hold of my dad, but to no avail. I thought I heard something when I was reading the training shit, but I wasn't really aware of what was really going on. Then Mike was asking me what my number was, just to check he had the right one (he didn't by the way), and he kept getting the answering machine when I corrected him, so we just assumed my dad left already. Mike explained what was going on t me, and I just didn't know what to say. So, it's my first day at work, and my mom and sis get into an accident, and I have no way to leave, I'm stuck there, and I really don't know how bad it really is. Well, they send me out to follow Lenny (the dude who's position I'm taking over), and I'm supposed to watch him do the cleaning. I'm not allowed to do anything, since I haven't had my chemical training yet, so I just have to stand there and watch him work. Not that I minded that, just so you're clear on that.

Anyway, I spent the entire day, the very first day of my new job, only able to wonder what the hell is going on. Well, 1 pm finally rolled around, and Dave, the dude my dad gives a ride to work to, came by, and he walked up to me, and asked me if I was alright. I'm like, Yeah. Although I really didn't know if he knew anything, I was wondering how he got to work, and he told me that my dad gave him a ride, and that everyone's okay, and that we don't have either car anymore. What??! is what my mind was saying. Basically, I still didn't know anything, and was glad everyone was okay, but was still confused more than before. I spent the rest of the day wondering what was going on, and finally I got to call my house when I spotted the first pay phone I saw. My mom kinda explained to me what happened, and, to make this a bit shorter, I'll just explain the rest of what really happened with the accident right now, instead of filling you in as I found out (I just realized this is getting kinda lengthy). Basically, my mom and sis (the one who still lives at home) were picking up my other sis (the one who rents this apartment that I am at now) to go drop the kids off to daycare and go to work (since my sis's car was repo-ed, and they all work at the same place). Well, they were waiting to turn left into the driveway for the apartment building, and some jackass lady rear-ends them. Not a little "love tap" either. I'm talking, smash the trunk in kinda rear-ending. Anyway, she apparently wasn't paying attention, and looked up to see them sitting there, and had tried to go around them on the right (driving into the gutter), but didn't clear them, so when she hit them, she hit the rear passenger side of the car, and pushed the Chrysler (our car) into the other lane (no one was coming thank goodness). At this time, my sis starts to get control of the car, and just goes into the parking lot, since it was right there, and gets out of the car, and runs to my sis's apartment, and told her about it and my sis called the cops and all that. Well, my mom's seat went all the way back, like she ended up laying flat on her back (she's kinda heavy, so that might partly explain that, horrible as that may sound), so when the fire company and all got there, they were afraid she hurt herself very badly, and didn't wanna take any chances with it, so they just decided to cut her out of the car. The car was in pretty bad shape, but before they decided to do that, it was fixable. Once they cut it, it was instantly "totaled" since you really can't fix that. So, that explains the actual accident. My dad got the message on the machine from Betty (my sis who rents the apartment), and was freaking out, so he was probably speeding, and the car he got stuck driving was the one on it's way out, if they didn't get it fixed soon. So, he's speeding along, and gets close to the apartment, and the car dies. Yes, it died. I don't think there was any starting it back up. It was gone. So, he had to get a ride there, and I'm still not completely clear on this part, he got there, and got to the hospital, and, either on the way there or back from the hospital, they stopped somewhere to have that car looked at, and the guy who looked at it said it needed coils (which was what Josh said about 2 months ago, but my dad apparently trusted the dumbass mechanic, who doesn't know much about newer cars, over Josh, who does work to the newer cars every day...). So they took it to the dumbass mechanic, and he said he'd work on it, and my dad had gotten coils from the junkyard (I know, bad idea. I didn't know he did that. I should smack him for that, since they were probably half the reason why the car they picked them off of at the junkyard was there in the first place. Gah, my family can really be backwards about these things sometimes).

Well, now we're caught up, at least as to why I haven't been here. There are absolutely no available cars to drive, so my dad is now driving the rental car that the lady's insurance is paying for, and my sis (the one who lives at home) is renting one out of her own pocket. And my other sis is driving the van from the SPCA, just because the boss is letting her, even tho she's not really supposed to unless she has the beeper (in case there's an emergency animal rescue call). At least, she was driving that for a day or two. I don't think she is anymore, since my sis has the rental car. My mom has stayed home all of last week, and she's completely fine, just needed to stay off her feet, and take it easy, and I really don't know if she went back to work today or not, but she did have the doctor's appt on Thursday, and I didn't hear any bad news so far, so I think she's probably just going back to work either today, or sometime later this week. So, no one's really hurt, so that's all good. Now, just to get some vehicles. That's gonna be a problem. The pressure's on me to find a car right away, as well as everyone else needing to find a car to drive. My parents were still making payments on the Crysler, which they just got I think a year ago, so they have to pay that off, and I know damn well they don't have the money, or good credit, to be able to get a good car right away. So that's a big problem. My sis doesn't have any credit, so that might be difficult for her to get one, but she shouldn't have it too hard to get one, unless she starts being a dumbass like she has been before, and keep buying unnecessary items. Which brings me to my other sis, the one who has the apartment, and husband and 2 kids that has no vehicle. This has been going on for about a month so far, and I have not heard one word about them looking for anything of the car persuasion. Except that my bro-in-law's brother might lend them enough money to buy 2 cars, and they'd pay him back for that. Which means that they'd still be relying on everybody but themselves. That doesn't really involve me, and I'm staying out of that issue, but then last week, I walked in here and what did I see? A new desk? Yeah, as well as a new bed for my neice ( I can understand that tho; she was outgrowing the crib, and that was probably somewhat necessary to buy that). And my sis constantly buys millions of little toys whenever she goes grocery shopping or to Walmart for the kids. I mean, they are getting so spoiled! And then she complains to anyone who will listen that she doesn't have any money. My bro-in-law will do that too, like go out for fast food when they're really short on cash, or go buy unnecessary things. So, they're pretty screwed for money, and that's why I don't feel as sorry for them as I probably should, being so that they're family. I just think that maybe they need to manage money a bit smarter than that, and so should my parents. They do the same things, which is why they're in the hole to begin with, and now they gotta deal with all this bullshit with the cars. So it's all a big mess, and here I am, still stuck (partly my fault) in the middle with no choices here.

Okay, that's my story and I'm stickin to it! Heh.
Now, if I feel up to it, I may post again before my time is through to talk about my job more, and about my weekend. I just don't wanna make this any longer than it has to be, since it's quite a loooong read already.

2003-10-29T16:24:00.000-05:00

Hey there! I'm at home right now typing this up with the webtv. I just wanted to let you all know that I may not be online or updating this blog for awhile. I will see about getting to my sis's to write up an explanation, but this is all I have time for now. Yes, I am still alive and everything (obviously), but there is a reaon why I haven't been online yesterday, or today. I'll let you know soon. Okay, bub bye!! :o)

2003-10-27T17:45:00.000-05:00

Blah

I would really love to write a nice post here today, especially since I actually had quite a bit to talk about, but I'm tired, it's yucky out, and I'm really trying to read all the blogs on my blogroll to catch up from this weekend and get myself ready to not have the time to anymore. But I am not doing too well with the finding time to post a nice long post, so I may have to just accept that and give up til tomorrow. Not to mention, I keep getting sidetracked, so I don't get as much done as I used to. Ah well. I guess I should just accept that my freedom to spend hours online is now over with. ::pouts:: Dammit, I actually liked wasting my time.

Well, I guess I could spare this little bit of time after all. Hell, I probably will be stuck here for another hour or so. Alrighty then.

All I have to say about my weekend any more than I already did, is that I love Josh so very, very much, and I'm glad that this weekend was so good, since we might be seeing less of each other in the future. At least until I can move out. Then he'll probably be ther all the time, and won't leave. Heh, that doesn't sound so bad. I just wish that I wouldn't have to give up so much of my time cuz I'm too much of a wuss about quitting the part time job. Not to mention, I love the people there that I work with, and most of the residents, but I could never work there full time, as I've had that experience already, and I do not wanna give up those friendships. It's also not that bad on the weekends when I do work, and I get paid pretty decently for those 2 days every other weekend, so I think it's worth it to stick it out, at least until I really feel like I can't anymore. I'm determined to do this, so I'm gonna try my hardest to not work myself too hard to be able to handle it, but to also make sure I take care of myself otherwise, so I don't start hating this decision.

Ah, and I *so* enjoy being patronized about my age. It's a wonderful feeling, really. Especially when there's no reason to go by that I am too young for something. Especially when I've heard these things before, and have not felt in any way that these things were ruining my "innocence." I may be under 20 years of age (if only for less than a month), but I don't think it's necessary to really go far enough as to say that I am too young to read a blog. I may be young, but I'm probably more mature than you'd know if you'd talk to me. Just because I don't have experiences of all kinds under my belt doesn't necessarily mean that I'm completely naive. Which is what I took to assume as the real meaning behind the post. Maybe I'm wrong, maybe I'm right. I don't know the answer to that. Yes, I admit I am over-reacting, but I just feel like it was a bit unwarranted. Maybe it's just me. *shrug* But you have a right to your opinion, as do I, and I answered those questions knowing that you could very easily say something I might not've liked. Now that I have that out, I feel better. No hard feelings, though. I'm probably gonna get my ass handed to me. I can see it happening now. I can only hope not.

Well, I think I better end this while I'm still young. ;o) I've had this thing up, trying to express myself without getting really bitchy about it all, cause that's just unnecessary, so I took my time and I hope I got the message out how I meant it. I know I sometimes really screw up my meaning by the crappy writing I do here, but I just want to say that I honestly am not that pissed, just a bit annoyed, shall we say, that someone misjudged me as to make a comment of the sort.

2003-10-27T14:54:00.000-05:00

"Had there been no difficulties and no thorns in the way, then man would have been in his primitive state and no progress made in civilization and mental culture.
--Anandabai Joshee 1865-1887, Indian Physician

Well, I had a great weekend!! I hope you all did too. I also have some good news--I got that one job I appied for on Thursday!! I get to clean bathrooms, which isn't that wonderful, but it's not like I've never done that before. But at least I have a full time job now!! I have to now readjust my entire sleeping schedule, since the shift is 6am to 2:30pm. So that means that I now have to go to bed around 8:30-ish at the latest. I know I definately wiil start taking showers at night, cause I do not like the idea of getting up at 4:30 am just to get in the shower, and then freeze my ass off while my hair's wet while going to work. I just hope I will wake up tomorrow.

I can't seem to concentrate today, so if this post gets really confusing, that's my excuse.

In fact, until I get done my other shit, I will just post this so you all know I'm still alive. Have a great Monday (or at least as good as a Monday can be!)!! :oD

2003-10-24T16:18:00.000-04:00

Songs pt 2

I was sitting there listening to love songs. Sometimes I'm in a happy mood, and I just wanna listen to those cheesy love songs, since I am so in love , feeling all happy and lucky to have my Joshie. Sometime when I'm sad, I just sit there and listen to those songs, and get all wistful and wanna cry at those that are really sad, and feel sorry for myself. (My god, this sounds so very sad right now. I hope you all don't see me how I see myself just from reading that last bit! )

I know, I'm a typical girl that loves those kinds of sappy-ass songs, and I love the traditional dozen roses thing as tokens of love. I am quite the romantic.

Where was I going here? Oh yes, I was in a good mood, listening to sad songs, and I was thinkin about some of their meanings, and how, even in those that don't even describe your situation specifically, some of them just have a specific lyric that fits you so perfectly.

The song me and Josh consider our's, even though we've never danced to it (we've never danced period, which is precisly why we had to choose one), Angel by Aerosmith, describes the relationship/situation we have a lot. More so before, when we were in school, but it still applies. I think that song just fits us perfectly, and I don't wanna change it for now. I think Josh has said that he doesn't like it as much now. Plus, I don't know anyone off hand that claims that to be their song, either, so I think it fits us in that way too, since we're so unconventional most times. I never even heard the song until he bought me the cd; yes he bought the cd for me and bought himself one, just because he heard the song on the radio and really liked it, so he wanted it to be our song. Hmmmm....

I've gotten completely off-track here with my thought, so I'll just call it quits for now. I may have to finish it later, but I honestly don't remember where I was going with this.

2003-10-24T14:33:00.000-04:00

Interview Questions from Acidman

1) Does anybody really see a correlation between the size of a man's feet or his nose and the size of his penis? No honestly I never did. But everyone all seems to see it as one of those well-known facts. I really don't see it.

2) If you are a woman, would you ever get a tit-job? If so, why? No, I think mine are a perfect handful. ;o)

3) If you are a man, would you buy a bionic Roscoe if your dick quit working? If so, why? Well, if I was a man, I probably would, just because sex for me already is a very important thing, and if I were a guy, I think it'd be the same. I wouldn't wanna go without sex for any period of time. ;o)

4) Did you ever sleep with someone and wake up in the morning unable to remember their name? If not, WHY NOT? No, because I've only ever had one lover before, and that's my current boyfriend. I think I'm too young to be going around doing that anyway.

5) Which would you rather have for a pet? A DOG or a CAT? If you answer "cat," you've got some serious explaining to do. Umm...I would have to say a dog. I'm quite sick of cats; my family has waaaayyyy too many, and they just annoy the shit out of me. Kittens are cute, but I think I need a break from 'em. Seriously, more than one cat is too many, and we've got at least 8 of 'em at my house, and no one seems to think that bringing another kitten in the house it too fucking much. My sis works at the SPCA, and she brought these kittens home to foster. That's fine, since they'd be leaving, but the one kitten has a weird genetic disorder with it's legs (don't ask me, I don't even care to know what the answer is), and the vet told them that it wouldn't go up for adoption and it would have to be put down, or my sis could keep him. Well, guess what my sis decided to do? She kept the damn thing. I still think it's cute, but this is a bit much, and I'm getting sick of it. That's why I spend so much time housesitting at my grandmother's. To get away from all the little fuckers. Sorry, that just hit a nerve with me. That's one of the latest things these people have done to piss me off.

6) Do you eat grits for breakfast? No, I'm not even all that fond of regular oatmeal, and grits just don't sound appetizing to me. (I'm not sure, but they are two different things, right? Obviously, I live up north, and hardly anyone I know eats them.)

7) What is the most dumb-ass thing you ever did in your life? Was it fun or has it haunted you for years? Dumb-ass thing? Hmmm...I know I've done a lot of dumb-ass shit, but I can't think of a specific one! I would have to say maybe the day I had done pot for the first (and only) time, and I really pissed off my boyfriend. We'd only been dating for about a month and a half, and he's very against drugs. I actually used to smoke (ha, bet you didn't know that one!), and I quit, because I needed to, and because he really was against it. On that day I did the pot, I had actually made plans to cut his hair in the afternoon (we had a day off of school), and my friend, Amy, called me up and invited me over. I didn't know she had it with her, and she asked me, so I'm like, "What the hell?" and did it. It wasn't great, I didn't really feel anything until I had to walk home. That was fun. I kinda remember walking home, and then Josh came to get me, and he saw I was stoned. He could tell I was, since his stepdad is a life-long stoner; this guy is in his late 40's and he still does it regularly, and he's only left with a few bottom teeth (gross!!), and he's just an asshole half the time. So, yeah, that has to be the most dumb-ass thing. At least, it's the only one I can think of, and that just means that anything else I've done obviously didn't have important enough effect on me if I've forgotten all the others.

8) Do you exceed the speed limit regularly when you drive, or just do it occasionally? Don't tell me that you NEVER SPEED you lying shit! Tell the truth! Yes, always 5-10 over the speed limit, but you gotta be careful in some places, otherwise, you'll end up off the road near my area. The roads have the worst potholes (I'm in PA). Other drivers infuriate me most times, but we won't go into that.

9) Describe the happiest day you can remember living. Damn, I haven't lived life enough. Shit, I can't pick out a "happiest day of my life." I think I need to get out more, or something. ;o) There really hasn't been one specific moment that I could add here. Maybe the day I met Josh. Or started dating him. Damn I feel like a loser now.

10) Do you believe that some things are worth dying for? If so, name one thing worth dying for and tell me why you feel so strongly about it. I believe Josh is, and my family, since life is such an experience, I'd rather let them live it without me than to take it away from them. I don't care how much someone says life sucks, in most cases it could be worse, and there are those special moments that make life worth living, and I'd rather them have that opportunity.

Alrighty, those are my answers. I have decided that, yes, I do need to go to more events if I can't even pick one happiest day of my life. I really need to get out more. ;o)

2003-10-23T17:37:00.000-04:00

Was gonna try...

Sorry, I have another post written out, but I really don't have any time to type it, so you shall have to wait til tomorrow.

2003-10-23T16:58:00.000-04:00

Songs and CSI

I was sitting at the table listening to Elton John's "Candle in the Wind," and Sheryl Crow's new song, "First Cut is the Deepest, " (not sure if that's the real title or not) on the radio, and eating my late dinner of half a cheeseburger (it was 8 pm, so I didn't wanna overload on the calories so late) and a small cookie. Then I got to thinkin, "What if someone burglarizes the house, and I get killed or something, and the police come in and investigate, and they see what I'm eating? I mean, doesn't cutting a cheeseburger in half to cut some of the calories, and then having a freakin cookie just sound dumb? Like, 'Oh she wanted to save calories with the cheeseburger, but then decided to have a cookie anyway, thus defeating the purpose.' Wouldn't it have made more sense to just eat the whole cheeseburger?" (These are the kinds of thoughts that run through my head at any given moment. Does that really surprise you, though?)

I guess I jsut prefer the variety over just eating the same thing. No, I don't feel guilty about the cookie, since it was damn good, but it was just a thought about how people would percieve me.

Maybe I just watch too much CSI. (It's one of the few shows I actually watch almost every episode of.

Or maybe I just think too much. ::ding, ding!:: Folks, I think we have a winner!!

2003-10-23T14:48:00.000-04:00

"Look: a belly-button, but no genitals. You see, it's important to show your kids that there is a life cycle, but your genitals are not a part of it." -Guy from band Barenaked Ladies on Cabbage Patch Dolls

Well, I'm in trouble. Josh read this last night, and he saw the comment I wrote about how I lub Sean. He said "who is sean and why do you lub him?" Now I feel bad, since I know he's probably thinking about it all day, and won't see me til after 6 tonight. I wanna cry. :pouts: I don't like to make him feel insecure. "Insecure" is what he put in the subject line of the email, by the way. I hope he's not getting sick over this. I know last week he was having probs with that, and now I'm worried about him.

I cleaned all morning. Bleh. I wasn't even planning on it, I just noticed things were a bit dusty, and couldn't stop myself. Yes I am that weird. I didn't finish the cabinets in the kitchen though. I hope I have time to do it later today, cuz that will bug the shit out of me, if half of them are done, and the other half aren't, just because I know it's not done. Even if you can't tell looking at them. I'll know.

Well, no more misc. thoughts on my mind right at the moment. I actually wrote a post last night (I handwrote it in a notebook), just because my mind really got going last night. All those thoughts were just waiting inside of me until the wrong time. It figures, ya know? Alrighty, off to type that one. I don't want this to be too long. I'm pretty sure some of you out there skip the long posts I do. Well, you shouldn't. There will be repercussions, ya know.

Haha, just kidding. It's just my ramblings after all, what do I care if you read 'em?

2003-10-22T19:06:00.000-04:00

Damn

If I keep up this spilling drinks shit, I'm gonna have to buy my sis a new keyboard!

Must pay more attention!!

2003-10-22T18:15:00.000-04:00

Do I really?

October

Which month are you?
brought to you by Quizilla

Heh. I actually mentioned something similar to this in our "little" convo we had earlier. I took it twice, cuz I didn't like the results.
But I got the same thing both times, so I just accepted it. I don't even like fall that much. But yes, I guess I do have to agree with it. :o)

2003-10-22T17:56:00.000-04:00

Behind

I'm so behind in my blog-reading today. I blame you, Sean!! ;o)

I decided to do tomorrow's prompt thingy today, and then it'll be up for all of you who go read this tomorrow morning (Thursday), and it'll be timed right. Okay.

MY DOCTOR ... I was just talking about this earlier this week! Hah. Weird timing, huh? Well, I dunno what to write about my doctor, cause I really don't like him all that much (sorry if you ever find this Dr.S), but I like his wife, who happens to also be my doctor, the midwife (kinda like an ob/gyn, but I couldn't really tell you what the difference is). She's really bubbly, which is exactly opposite him (no personality whatsoever), and I just trust her more. Which is good, since she's the one to be going "down there" for the exam. She just has that aura about her that makes you comfortable talking to her about anything. So, I guess I shoulda made the sentence: "My doctor makes you comfortable, even tho she has to put metal objects up your vagina." Ah that was horrible. Sorry, the wit is not with me today, but I tried.

I don't think these prompts were such a good idea for me after all.

2003-10-22T16:31:00.000-04:00

So very, very tired...

I told you earlier it looked like it was getting nicer out. I was wrong.

Anyway, I am just so damn tired now. I must've spent almost an hour reading one blog, just to catch up, and since he's on vacation from work this week, I had quite the reading cut out for me. So now I find myself ready to take a nap. That might also be caused by the fact that my parents woke me up 2 hours after I had finally fallen asleep last night, and then I woke up again at around 3 this morning, just to pee. I never wake up to go the bathroom. I suspect maybe it was just because I did drink a glass of apple juice before crawling into bed last night, but I also think maybe it was the obnoxiously loud snoring going on in the room next to mine. I do know I had quite a hard time getting back to sleep for that very reason. I believe that you coulda heard the snoring clear across the freakin house!

Damn it's cold in here all of a sudden.

Yay, I'm talkin to my buddy Sean. He's quite talkative! I'm sure he'll be happy that I mentioned him in my post. Right now he's telling me about jumping in hot tubs nekkid. Damn that guy can talk!! I lub u, Sean!!

Ok, well, I have had this thing up for about half an hour, and cannot seem to write anything witty now, so I think this is the end. Have a spiffy hump day!!!

2003-10-22T14:13:00.000-04:00

". . . the human mind is seldom at stay: If you do not grow better, you will most undoubtedly grow worse."
--Samuel Richardson

Today's prompt was "I WILL..." So, I will watch tomorrow's Sharon Osbourne show. Okay, what if that's something I do every day anyway? I just heard her say Jeremy Piven is spossed to be on tomorrow's show!!! I love him!! I think tomorrow will be a good day. Also because I get to be with my Joshie tomorrow night too.

I find myself today at a loss for words for some reason. I think it's how the day started out. It's sunny now, but it sucked ass earlier with the rain. I was not enjoying it at all. And it's cold. I hate those kinds of days. The sun's out now, so the rest of the day's lookin better.

I'm still catching up on my blog-reading. I could waste about an hour less every damn day if AOL wasn't such a fucked up mess, but I just try to deal with it without bitching about it too much. Anyway, I've been reading Acidman's site for quite a few minutes here, since I hadn't gotten the chance to do it since last Wednesday, and he's written stuff that really got me thinking, but those thoughts just aren't sticking in my head today. Ever have those days? You have all this good shit to write about, and by the time you get to doing it, it's all gone. It sucks. I'm sure by the end of this afternoon, I'll be bloggin like there's no tomorrow, but this first post here evidently isn't going anywhere, and I blame it on my mentality right now. Sorry. I hope it changes. But I will be back, don't worry about that. If I have to squeeze another post of this brain of mine later, I will, goddammit. I'm sick of this writer's block shit goin on.

2003-10-21T15:28:00.000-04:00

IF I WERE TO TREAT MYSELF, I WOULD ...

That's my topic I get from an email (Go here if you wanna sign up. It's somewhere on the page) I just signed up for last week. They send you a weekly email with topics for each day to write about as you will. Yesterday's didn't interest me too much, but I decided to do today's. So.... to treat myself....ah...I kinda treat myself every day with little things (although me being me, I can't think of any specific examples). Not much though. I don't take baths, since at my house I only have a shower stall, no tub, so that kinda takes away that option there. Maybe make myself a smoothie. Heh, it always revolves around food. Seriously, I don't have a clue!!

Gah, why'd I even bother with this post?

2003-10-21T14:35:00.000-04:00

"Life will reward you precisely to the extent that you express yourself, in your own unique way, to the world."
--Ralph S. Marston, Jr.

Heh I now can put smiley faces on my posts! I dunno if it really works, but I may have found the way! I thought this one was really cute.

I hope you can see that. I'm actually quite excited (we're talking about an easily amused girl here, so it shouldn't be too much of a surprise) about this little feature. I've actually had it all along, I just didn't know that I could add this in my posts before.

I don't have that interview on Wednesday anymore, as it turns out. I had talked to this Dave guy for the directions, and wanted to ask Linda, who was the person I had originally scheduled the interview with, something about the time of the appointment, and he gave her the message and said she'd call back later. Well, she called later that afternoon, and left a message on the machine that she isn't able to make the appointment on Wednesday, and that she's pretty booked up for the rest of the week now, so I'm interview-less again. Dammit. I bet it's because I hadn't called her back on Thursday. Damn you Betty!! If ya wouldn't have let the phone bill slide like you did, I wouldn't have had this problem in the first place. Or if I had at least known about the phone being off. Then I coulda timed things better. Oh well. Nothing I can change now.

I'm kinda busy today catching up with my blog-reads, and I really don't have much news, so I'm gonna keep this short. I'll probably be back later, so don't worry!!

Damn, am I having fun with these things. Heh, I act like such a little kid sometimes. Bub bye for now!!
-

2003-10-20T18:24:00.000-04:00

Said I would continue...

Yesterday, driving home from work, I was at a stop light waiting to turn left behind a guy that was also waiting for the light to change to turn left. He was the one at the front of the line. The light changed, he waited for all the cars to go, blah, blah, blah, starts to turn left, and his car dies. He's in the middle of the intersection, and stuck. I dunno if he couldn't start the car again, i.e. battery died, but he was stuck and couldn't do anything. I'm not so sure the poor dude knew what the hell to do. I was still behind him, mid-turn as well, and the light had changed by this time, and the impatient people on the road we were turning onto started to honk their horns. (Hey asshole, he obviously stopped for a reason; I'm pretty damn sure he didn't stop in the middle of the intersection just to piss you off.) All he could do was make an exagerrated shrug. So what do I do? Do I put the car in park and run up to him and try to help him out? (Imagine the embarrassment: first your car dies in the middle of a busy intersection, and then a girl, with not much car experience under her belt comes to help you out...) Maybe try to help him some other way?

Nope. At that point, I said "Fuck it," since I was in the way as well, and went around him to my destination so as not to be the second cause of held up traffic. Heh. I'm such a bitch. ;o) Seriously, I had no idea what the hell to do, and like I said, I'm not a mechanically-inclined person, my boyfriend is. Big difference. I'm sure someone had to have helped him out, but I still felt bad afterwards. I'm a small town girl, I shouldn't do shit like what I did. I shoulda pulled over and tried to help. But no, I was impatient to see my Joshie. Never said I was perfect though. :o/

2003-10-20T14:30:00.000-04:00

"Friends are those rare people who ask how you are and then wait for the answer." --Anon

Charles Eliot declared that, "Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers."

Well, I am now online for a full day, so I'm happy. :oD Yay!

Okay, just to tell you about the pic on the side of the page: sometimes it shows up for me, sometimes it doesn't (I just thought it was the crappy connection I have), and Sean says he can see it, so it may just depend on what internet service you have. I dunno. But I'm sorry if you can't see it; if you can't see the pic of the girl, then you probably can't see the little "Wonderfully Written Words" thing that's on here too. Oh well.

Anyway, I'm feeling much better now since I wrote that one post, so all is good for now. I have a job interview with the Comfort Keepers people on Wednesday, so I feel like I'm actually getting somewhere now, and I just got the directions there. All I need now is the phone call from the woman that I scheduled with her okay on pushing the interview back, since I doubt I'll be able to make it on time by 9:30 am, especially since I nearly missed my Dr.'s appointment this morning due to Chuck's sleeping late, and the fact that he was not moving fast at all; he was just fartin around, I guess thinking I had nowhere to be. He better not do that shit on Wednesday, otherwise I'm just leavin him here, and he can explain why he's not at work then.

Ah, the Dr's appointment. That "wonderful" experience of the pap smear just made my day. ;o) Seriously, I was happy, since she told me my blood pressure was low. That sounds weird, I know, but let me explain something. Both of my parents have high blood pressure. Very, very bad thing to have. It sucks for me, since I will eventually see the day when it's not so easy to keep the blood pressure down, so I'm just happy that I'm far away from that point now. It was 90/50. She told me to not get dehydrated, cause I would most likely pass out from the low blood pressure thing. I don't doubt that, since I have had the few experiences of getting up waaayyyy too fast, and getting light-headed, and not being able to see for a few seconds. That sucks, but I would take that over high bp any day. She just told me I should stop drinking so much iced tea, since it has a lot of caffeine, and that's why my boobs get so sore during pms (I'm sure you just were dying to know that). So now I'm drinking hot chocolate. Not really as healthy as water, but a damn good substitute. ;o)

I was also happy since I didn't have to pay as much as I anticipated, which is always nice. My doctor's really nice about the whole no-insurance thing, and she just maintains that you can pay what you have, but it's not necessary to pay all of it if you really don't have it. Which is wonderful for me, since I had an expense taken off my card that I hadn't anticipated (but I know what it is; no one's stolen my number or anything, thank goodness!), but I have to call and find out what can be done about it, since they didn't inform me of it, and when I signed up for it, it was a year ago for an annual membership fee. I thought they'd let me know that it needed to be renewed through the mail, or email, but since I signed up online, they had my number already and just charged it right away. I'm calling anyway to see if I can cancel it, since I really have no need for it now. Bleh.

I worked this weekend, and it was actually fun. Yes, I said fun. Scary, huh? ;o) I was workin with my buddy Carol the entire time, and although I was beginning to get sick of being with the same person all day, I still enjoyed myself cuz it wasn't so boring then. Oooh, I just got my little weather alert thingy AOL has, and it's supposed to be nice all week!! That's enough to get me up and dancing!! I hate cold weather, and especially hate it when it's all cloudy and sucky out, so this is good! :oD Anyway, the whole weekend was really good. Thursday was just a suck-ass day altogether, so I won't even bother about that, but Friday was real good, although I had absolutely no time to do anything I normally do. I had to drive people around all day, with no real time for myself. But Friday night was wonderful! Josh's friends were nowhere to be found, and since they usually come over on a Friday night, I was kinda glad they weren't there since I didn't have to make them leave when Josh had to take me home early. Sorry that I felt that way, but I just wanted my hunny all to myself, since I wouldn't be seeing him as much on my working weekend, and I hardly saw much of him the night before. I think Richard went to see his girlfriend, so I don't really feel bad anyway. Matt I think was sick, or something, but we'll most likely see him this week anyway, so I'll know why then.

I only have a few little tidbits from the actual weekend to talk about, so this shouldn't turn into a mind-numbingly long post about my boring life. So, on Saturday, me and Carol went to pick up the keys for daycare from the security desk, where Harry usually gives them to us. As we were standing there, Harry says, "You know, I saw her yesterday, and she didn't even say hi!" (Referring to me). I was like, "Huh?" ( 7am and I'm not really all there yet). I was thinking he meant he saw me at work, and I know I wasn't there. Carol said to me, "You were here yesterday?" I told her no, and looked at Harry like, WTF are you talking about, thinking he was nuts, or just saw someone that looked like me. Harry said, "At Redner's, in the express line." I realized what he was talking about, although I certainly didn't see him, and I was like, "Oh, I didn't even see you." He said, "Yeah, she was lookin all hot, and she didn't even acknowledge me." (I was all dressed up, since I was going out to lunch, and I was trying to rush through the store to pick up one thing I had a coupon for and I was in the area, so I had stopped in to pick it up quick. I know I didn't see him at that point; he must've been behind me, since there was absolutely no one in front of me, so there. ;oP) At that, I started turning red, and we were all laughing about it, and Jeanette (one of my other work buddies) says, "Look, she's getting all red!" They were laughing about that, and of course as soon as someone points it out, it makes it worse. So, that was kinda funny, and I guess I was just embarrassed and not expecting Harry to be talking about me like that since he's much much older. It just surprised me, since me and him haven't joked around like that before, so it caught me off guard. In fact, now that I think about it, no one does "flirt" with me like that, except for Skip, but then he's like that with all the women. He's a lady's man. As an example, on Sunday, I was on his floor (the one he's working on), and he saw me and said, "You came all the way up here just to see me, didn't you?" all the while with a grin on his face and I said, "Of course!" It does make it easy to work with those that you can joke around with, but I'm so quiet that I don't think I give off a good impression when I'm by myself sometimes. Especially if I'm tired, and I just wanna finish my shit and get done. Of course I try to mingle a bit, and joke around, but I'm not always good with that. I have to be in a good mood. If I'm not, I wanna be by myself, and I think everyone thinks I'm like that all the time. Not to mention, I'm only there every other weekend, so they don't see me too often.

Anyway, what else did I have to say? Dammit. I know there was more...Oh ok, I remember now! Josh's aunt sent some clothes she doesn't wear all too often home with her to give to me, so now I'm not at a lack of sweaters anymore. Yay!! Free stuff!!! Always something to get excited about, right? ;o)

I'm sick of typing. Bleh. I think I should take a break, so I'll probably type up another one later. Until then, have a great day!! :oD

2003-10-17T17:03:00.000-04:00

Sorry guys...

I wasn't able to get online yesterday for reasons I posted in the last post. The one I just posted was written yesterday, and I didn't even re-read it, since I'm in a big rush. In fact I have to leave NOW, so I gotta end this. I'll be back on Monday, definately.

See ya then!! :oD

2003-10-17T17:00:00.000-04:00

"That which causes us trials shall yield us triumph: and that which make our hearts ache shall fill us with gladness. The only true happiness is to learn, to advance, and to improve: which could not happen unless we had commence with error, ignorance, and imperfection. We must pass through the darkness, to reach the light.
--Albert Pike 1809-1891, American Lawyer, Historian

Well, I'm very frustrated now. The phone here at my sis's place has been shut off, most likely since she didn't pay the bill. I'm not quite sure if that's the reason or not; I didn't talk to her this morning, and she probably doesn't even know about it. I have been so pissed at my family and the shitty position they've had me in for so long that now I can only accept what's going on and I know there isn't anything I can do about it. Because of this phone thing, besides the fact I cannot get online to play (which sucks, but isn't a big huge deal for me; I'm addicted to the internet, but I'm not really that upset about it right now), I missed making a phone call back to Comfort Keepers about getting directions to an interview next week. I talked to a woman this morning who set up the interview, and I agreed to call back at 1:30 this afternoon, since I wasn't going to be at home anyway. I didn't know at that point the phone was off here. I just expected to be able to use the phone for this call, and then go about my normal day. Well. That didn't exactly happen. So now I look bad to these "future" bosses of mine, all because of my sis's problem. I already am fucked over by her losing her car, since she was late with the payments, and it had to be repossessed, and that fucks up my situation with getting a full-time job. I can afford to go without a car right now, she can't. So I get screwed over for that. In fact, Josh was pointing out last week that the Comfort Keepers position requires a car to travel around in, and I coulda worked around that problem in the past, before this bs happened, but it's gonna be a hellish thing to work around it now. So I'm a bit stuck. And I'm not happy.

I avoided talking about the car thing, since I didn't think it was necessary to explain all that on this little blog. I realize that's how I started out this blog, with (boring at times) details about everything going on in my life, but I've toned that down a bit lately, because there really wasn't a lot happening, and when there was stuff, it didn't affect me so much, and I didn't think it was all that important. I had figured that we could work around all this extra bs that's happened recently, but now with the phone out, it's just come to a major point here. I feel like....I dunno. My hands are shaking as I type this; adreniline rush, I suppose. I am just so past the point of freaking out, I have this like calm anger thing going on, and I've had it before, and it's a bad sign for me. I think I'm gonna lose it on someone, but I dunno who. I really am a peaceful person, most of the time, but some of this shit I've put up with has pushed me to this point where I just can't enjoy myself. I'm trying to get away from these assholes that fuck up things around me so bad that I get swooped up in it, but I've had such a lazy attitude about it at some points, which is my fault, so I haven't been able to get away from the stressors. I know my life hasn't been the worst out there, and I have put up with stupid shit, and just accepted what I had to, but I really dunno about this. I know I get pissed sometimes at the small shit, but it's when that small shit happens, and I think about all the other crap these people have done, and it just makes me so mad that I was put here.

I can't even explain my childhood; there's no point. I was born into it, and I had no choice but to accept what life had given me. I don't think I should go into it, because I don't want anyone to reassure me or anything like that. I've lived it and it's done. I don't really think you need to read about it to understand me any better than anything else that goes on that I decide to write about. I don't even think anyone could comprehend how things like that ended up that way.

I don't hate my family, really. I just hate their attitudes, and how they've given up. My mom gave up soon after I was born. She's given that attitude to my sister of 26 years of age that still lives at home, with way too many fucking animals for the size of the house and the ability to handle them all. I see things about each person of my family that they don't see. I see my sister that gave up on friends and anyone out there, because she's been hurt too many times, and didn't feel she was good enough for anything, and just settled with what she had, and is too embarrassed to call up any old friends now that she's out of school and still living at home. She had no ambition. My mom had ambition once, I believe, but she gave up on that. I think that may have been triggered by the brother that I could have had, that was born a few years before I was, and died the day after he was born from heart problems. Then my two grandfathers passed away around the year I was born. One two months before I was born (who was my mom's dad), and my dad's dad the year after I was born. I think that kinda put her in a slump. She hasn't come out of it since. My dad isn't doing all bad, and he's probably my favorite one out of everyone, but things have taken their toll on him. I really don't wanna think about it, but I don't know how much longer he can take it. The way things are now, I'm afraid something's gonna happen to him, since he's not doing too well, health wise. And it's sad, since he's only 56.

I hardly even know my oldest sister. The age gap of about 15 years really does that to people sometimes. I dunno why I don't really seem as comfortable around her as I should, I have friends at work that are older than her, and our personalities don't clash, but there just is something missing. I don't have a problem with her, like I don't have a problem with my dad. (what can I say, I'm a daddy's girl ;o) ) My other sister, the one who owns this apartment, causing me to write about the whole situation in the first place, I usually don't have much of a problem with, but I do get impatient with her. There are many things I could complain about that annoy the shit out of me about her, but she's really not all that bad, and she's got problems too, but they just don't seem to fit in here.

I know I was an accident, maybe not a bad one, but my parents were in their late 30's and I really don't think they were trying anymore for a kid. They had 3 already; they didn't need anymore. And knowing that, plus the way the family had evolved from a seemingly happy one to the way they are now, I have always felt left out. Out of everything. Of everyone at school, my family, my neighborhood (for reasons I won't mention here), even at times my boyfriend now. I never had any play-friends; all the neighborhood kids avoided me. And when I did make friends with one of them, she stole shit from me. I haven't talked to her since. I have never felt included in the family at the family get-togethers every Christmas. The one place I felt included in things, even though I was really young I could feel this, was at my grandmother's house (my dad'd mom, who died 10 years ago this month), but then that ended with her passing. But since I got used to that feeling, I would crave people's attention, but once I got it, I didn't want it anymore. It doesn't make sense, I know. I've been an independent girl all my life, and I partially blame that "outsider" feeling that I carried with me constantly. That's why I get so mad sometimes that I have to share the one person that has made me feel included in most everything with so many people, and I get upset when he doesn't invite me to go with him sometimes (which he's done already), because he didn't think I'd like it. Maybe I would, if ya'd ask me!! I have other things that have gotten me upset, but I've never been able to tell him about it, because I'm not a good speaker. Not to mention, Josh, when I am upset with him, has this look on his face and complete patience for me that I just start crying before I can talk. Screwed up, I know. So any kind of conversation that upset me in the past hasn't really had a good solution to, since I start blubbering right away. And it's stupid that I do that, but I only began to do that kind of thing with Josh. I never had that problem before.

I may be able to type stuff up here, but I cannot get my point across when I am talking. I get flustered, and I lose my train of thought, and I just suck at it. Public speaking would have been a good course for me to help with that, but I never took it, being the shy person I am. I woulda had a panic attack if I had to do a speech every week or however often they had to do them. But it woulda helped me a lot. Of course, I have gotten better throughout the years, and I actually found that if I talked in front of people who I didn't know, then I was actually more comfortable with that (most times). I guess the main key being that they don't know me, and won't make fun of me or something. I'm more aware of people I know focusing on me, than others.

Dammit, I've gone and got all sob-story-ish on ya. Sorry. Don't leave me comments. I'm not sure I wanna hear them. I don't really know why I felt the need to write this, but it felt damn good to get that shit out. And I know I said I was gonna refrain from telling about my childhood, and I apologize for it, but I still didn't even cover everything, and I'm not sure I ever will. There's too much to go into detail about, and I dunno if I would even actually post it after I wrote it. I'd probably delete it afterwards. I can't even post this now. It's 3:34 pm on Thursday, and I might not even get a chance to get this on the blog by tomorrow. Sorry it's so long. I try to keep 'em short, but this was just lurking in my mind. I'm now in a reflective state, and I really do feel better, like a weight has just come off, but I still have to deal with all this later on, and I'm not looking forward to it. I hope tonight with Josh goes better than today so far has. Let's hope he's not sick or something, since that seems to happen when I really need to be with him.

Sleeping in my house seems to mess up my day for some reason, since the really bad days seem to happen when I choose to sleep there instead of at my grandmother's house. Maybe that's just a coincidence. I dunno.

2003-10-15T18:52:00.000-04:00

Just noticed...

Andi has informed me in the one comment she made that she can't see the picture to the left. I know it takes a bit to load, but I was wondering if everyone has the same problem. It should be showing up above the "about" section. Hmmmm....I never really checked to see if it did work on anyone else's computer, so I may very well have screwed that up, and didn't even know it.

Heh, that doesn't surprise me in the least. ;o)

2003-10-15T16:39:00.000-04:00

An exercise in futility...

Melissa from anything but ordinary has this little meme thing that I thought I'd fill out. Heh, I read the comments to the post she made and one of the commenters said,"I'd post my answers but it would just sounds like alot of ass kissing." Well, I'm not above that, if I actually like the people. ;o) So here we go:

::Pick one blogger for each of these. (The last question is exempt from this rule.) You can pick the same blogger as an answer for more than one question.

The blogger you'd trust with your life: Okay, this one's really hard, and I'm really not sure, but I think I'd give this one to Brian. He seems like he'd be a reliable guy for this, and he played sports, and was a coach, so he must be fit. So yeah, he's my choice there.

The blogger you can trust with your deepest, darkest secrets: I would say Crystal, but then we started out knowing each other, and she's my best friend, so that kinda places her for number 1 here. Of course, I think I have the right to list an extra person here, since Crystal doesn't update often (shutup, I know that's lame), so I'm gonna also put Whitney here, too.

The blogger who makes you laugh the most: Everyone does. I can't think of anyone specifically to link here, because everyone does make me laugh at least once a day. I can't just choose one!! This is the last one I'm typing up, too, since it was so hard to pick.

The blogger who makes you think the most: Rose, most definately.

The blogger you'd like to live near to: Sean, since he says he doesn't have many close friends, and doesn't feel as understood as he should be, and I relate to that a lot, and I think it would be fun to go hang out.

The blogger you'd like to have as a roommate: Sam because she just is a great girl, and I think we'd get along very well.

The blogger you'd like to go to Disneyland (or Six Flags) with: Steph sounds like she's a blast to hang out with, and she sounds like she'd have a helluva great time at an amusement park. I'm one of those people that love roller-coasters, and I think she probably does too, so that's always a good combo for amusement parks.

The blogger on your blogroll who is most similar to you. How? Jen seems to be most like me in a lot of ways, but I do find a lot of similarities between me and Mel, too.

(Oops, I broke the rules. Oh well, that was only the second one I listed more than one blogger. ;oP)

The blogger on your blogroll who is most different than you. How? Acidman. There are so many differences between us, I can't even name them all, but I still love his writing and think he's great (as well as dream about him ;o) ).

Lastly, pick five bloggers you'd like to have a slumber party/party/bar night with. What would you do? Joe, Rose, Sassy, Shy Lux, and maybe Allison. Most of them seem to be good friends already, so I know they'd get along, and I really think all of our personalities would mesh well. What to do, what to do....hmmmm....I have no ideas! I'm not good at making up party plans, and not much of a planner of outings, so I'm not quite sure. I hate to be boring, but maybe just go out to a casual restaurant and hang out there, then figure out something from there.

(The original post here.)

Okay, now I know I couldn't link everyone, and I had way more answers about that, but I tried to stick to the rules, so I couldn't link everyone I wanted to. I still luv you all, so don't take it personally! It took much deliberation to answer these, especially when you're asking one of the most indecisive people in the world to fill one of these out. ;o)

2003-10-15T15:26:00.000-04:00

"Most of the time I just keep to myself. I think like what it would be like to be... someone else." - Leonardo DiCaprio as Hank in "Marvin's Room"

You know, by the time I actually get here most days, I have nothing to blog about. I forget most of it on the way here. Don't ask me why. Car rides just do that to me. I remember the exciting school dances in Jr. High School, and just being so happy to go there before we left, but by the time I got there, I would be so out of it, and just in my own little world, I would lose all excitement for it. Now, I use the term "exciting" loosely in that sentence, since those dances would always suck, be boring, and end badly. That's just how the monthly dances were. You knew they were gonna suck, but you went anyway, for something to do, be with your friends, maybe getting to dance with someone you liked (hardly ever in my case), and you were very optimistic it would turn out much better than last month's. Which was almost never. I have never gone to a "great dance." They all suck, except maybe if you have a significant other, and if you were "lucky" enough to have that, then most likely you'd be off in your own little world, and ignoring everyone else. Most times they sucked. Period.

Anyway, back to my original subject (If ya hadn't noticed lately, I get off-topic a lot) about the car ride. I really wish that I could say that the car rides for me have changed, and don't "sober" my feelings/attitude so much, even when I'm driving, but I can't. It sucks. I hate that. It never fails to do that to me when I am looking forward to something so much, and just lose all that energy by the time I get there. Maybe that's why I enjoy walks so much. Hmmm...
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

This morning while exercising, one of those bugs that I keep finding at my grandmother's house came running straight at me while I was on the floor stretching. I was freaking out! It didn't stop until it got an inch away from my leg (by that time, I was in the process of jumping up to get away from it), and I just went on with the stretching since I follow Denise Austin on her tv show in the morning, and kept watch on the little bugger. As soon as I left to get some paper towels to kill the sonofabitch, he took off running, never to be seen again. But I will see him again: in a fatal meeting for him. This is not the end! :o) Seriously, I dunno what kind of bug they are, but they have a lot of legs, but aren't a milipede, or centipede (I know from seeing both of those nasty little shits), and they keep showing up in the kitchen sink, and I have found about 2 of them in the shower stall (luckily I had paid attention before stepping into the shower, heh, I nearly had a heart attack!). I dunno how to describe them any better than that. Josh calls them "thousand-leggers" (really, how hickville-ish does that sound?). I don't see them every day, but I see a few during the week sporatically. If you could give me a clue about this, I'd appreciate it. I don't like sharing any of my space with bugs, especially little fuckers that keep showing up like they do, nor do I think my grandmother appreciates them much. I don't think I'd even have such a problem if I didn't even know they were there, maybe just stay in the walls or wherever they came from.

Well, I believe I should end this now. Have a wonderful Wednesday!! (Check out that alliteration, man!! ;o) ) :oD

2003-10-14T17:13:00.000-04:00

Just so you know

I thought I'd let ya in on something. That picture over to the left isn't me. It was part of the template I chose from another website that told me not to change anything. I didn't like that part, since I wasn't too fond of having a pic of some other chick on my blog, but I liked the clean look to this, so that's why I chose it regardless. I don't think I even look like her. I have long hair, way longer than hers. Mine is about down to my waist, and of course it's one of the first things people comment on: "Wow, your hair's really long!" No shit sherlock! I mean, did ya think I didn't notice?! Come on. Anyway, I have glasses, so obviously that's quite different. I'm not quite short, but not tall, either, at 5'4" and I don't think I'm as skinny as she is in the pic, but I'm not really all that heavy (thanks to exercise!). I have dark brown hair (which, being weird and neat-freakish, I realized I shoulda put that up with the long hair part, but oh well). Although I guess looking like that girl really wouldn't be a bad thing.

I dunno what the point of all this was. Damn.

2003-10-14T16:06:00.000-04:00

"I'm gonna eat ya alive. Then I'm gonna regurgitate ya, and eat ya again." -'Widowmaker' in Catch Me...If You Can

Don't paricularly know why I liked this quote way back when. I think it's kinda funny, but it lost it's magic once the movie was over. Eh.

Blogrolling is really being a bitch to me today. All I wanna do is put myself on the recently updated list, but it keeps giving me the message that my blog hasn't updated in the past five minutes. Kiss my ass, yes it did!! I've posted how many messages today? And it says I haven't updated all day? Well, some other bloggers were complaining about blogrolling as well, so it may just be a screwup, but it's very damned aggravating when you have to deal with it firsthand!!

2003-10-14T15:52:00.000-04:00

Conan O'Brien and my grandmother's house...

I had a dream last night. No, not a sex dream (finally one I remember that isn't all about sex!!), but there was some heavy flirting, as well as some scenes where there could have been very steamy sex. Getting ahead of myself. Sorry.

Anyway, I remember 2 very different dreams from this morning, and I know I woke up repeatedly for some reason a lot during both the dreams. It sucked, cause the first dream (which I'll get to in a sec) was a kinda freaky one, with, like, ghosts and shit, and then I kept hearing things, eventually realizing that some of the noises were car doors outside, which I think was the neighbors, but I'm not so sure on that one.

On to the dream. The first one, I was at my grandmother's house with a friend, Megan, from Jr. High, and we were trying to go into this strange area that really isn't part of the house in reality, but it's in the place of the bathroom. Anyway, we were going in there, and getting quite freaked out I should add, but we took a break; I think we were looking for something. We sat down at the kitchen table, and Conan O'Brien was sitting there. Well, we got to talking, and were enjoying ourselves, except for Megan, since she ended up leaving out of boredom. So, it was me and Conan all alone, we were flirting and having a great time (and were getting close to making out, I should add), but then (gasp!) we start hearing things from this mysterious closet/room/whatever it was. We just knew there was no one else there in the house with us, so we just looked at each other and said, "Fuck this, I'm gettin out of here!!"

And then I woke up to sound of the car doors. I really didn't know what to think at that moment. But I fell back asleep, since it was only about 4 am, from what I could see on the clock.

The next dream started out in the house again, but with no Conan, or weird room, but everything was normal. Then 2 girls stop by, just when I had to be leaving for school, I believe it was. They were insisting that they needed to come into the house; that my grandmother sent them for stuff, and I had to let them in. Well, I was running really late for class, and my ride was no where in sight, so I was freaking out with these strange girls in the house, and no ride. Well, the one girl's boyfriend shows up out of the blue, and, apparently, sees the situation, and offers me a ride. I needed to get to class, so I told the girls to lock up the house, and I'd see them later (?). Well, this guy drove me to a strange place that turned into a deserted shore, but I wasn't freaking out; apparently this was the way to class. He had to stop the truck, and we had to walk a long distance to the building in the mud, which wasn't fun. All the while doing this, there was a growing attraction, and we were getting along great, blah, blah, blah. Well, we finally got to the place, which looked deserted as well, and really didn't look like a school building, but, sure enough, when we got inside, there were the usual classrooms, etc. Well, no one was there yet, so we thought we were alone, and started to "get friendly," I guess thinking we had the place all to ourselves to have a little fun. But before we could even kiss, we heard some people approaching the room, and we threw ourselves down on the floor behind some desks. Which wasn't very smart, since they could see us right away. So, when they spotted us, we got up, and I realized that the assistant teacher there was the pastor from my church! As if that wasn't weird enough, I then looked past him, and saw an old crush of mine (which was a major one for me, back in the day; in fact, it lasted for quite a few years), who is the pastor's son. Well. Me and the other dude who almost "did it" took a walk further down the hall, and found the area we were looking for. Now, there's not much I remember from that specific spot in the place, but I know we were there for quite a bit, and weren't together during that entire time. His girlfriend had also shown up, so it wasn't going to happen then, anyway.

Well, soon it was time to go, and he offered me another ride home (!!), and we walked outside, and his truck was right there (don't ask me; the truck either moved, or the building moved, I dunno which), as well as a lot of other cars, so we walked over to the truck, and we got in.

Then I woke up. I had to get up for the day (dammit!) so I couldn't finish it. That was very disappointing. I even slept for half an hour longer than I needed to, and that cut half an hour off my exercising. But I was a bit sore from yesterday's workout, so I didn't worry too much about that.

I was stuck more on the Conan dream more than the other, because I wanna figure out why these men keep showing up in my dreams when I haven't even seen them, or thought about them at all for a long time, and then just "show up." I enjoy the freams, but it really makes me wonder. And I haven't had any dreams with Josh in them recently. That doesn't worry me, but it sucks all the same since I enjoy talking about my dreams (can ya tell??) with Josh, and the sex dreams were the ones I was remembering compared to most of the rest, and I couldn't very well talk about them much to Josh. That wouldn't have gone over very well.

Ah well, I think I better wrap this up. I have more to talk about, but that's all the dream stuff I got right now. :o) Sean had a dream too, although it wasn't as happy, if you're interested more in reading about other's dreams. Andi also had a dream as well, which I'm interested in hearing more about, but don't think she'll tell all. (Psst Andi, I think he's pretty dreamy too ;o) )
Although I get the feeling you've gotta be sick of dreams after reading mine. I don't blame ya. I'm kinda sick of 'em myself. ;o)

2003-10-14T14:44:00.000-04:00

Friends!!

I was just talking to one of my close friends from high school, and we're gonna be gettin together on Friday!! Yay!! I'm so very happy about that. ::does a little dance:: Heh. I haven't seen her for over a year, so this should be fun. It's gonna be a kinda late lunch for me, but that's not so bad. I can't wait til Friday!!! :oD

2003-10-14T13:34:00.000-04:00

Old times...

I was looking through my cd collection this morning, and stumbled upon this cd that I made for a Computer Graphics assignment. We had to make the front cover, both inside covers, and the back cover; making up the title, and we picked the name of our band out of a hat, and we had to make a bar code, and that little Compact Disc logo. It was really fun, and I remember that class. I hated it at first, but Dan, my soon-to-be buddy, actually made it enjoyable. I was reading my little "autobiographical" paragraph that we were required to do, and I cracked up laughing. We just had to make something up; it didn't have to be true. Heh. So me and my buddy Dan made up this really weird paragraph for mine. I wanted to type it up here, since it's so funny. It've just one of those non-sensical things, and it brings back memories for me, since it was very personal, and that may be why I think it's funny, but I thought I'd share it anyway:

From the slums of Istanbul, she worked her way to the top of Egyptian music. From Egyptian music, she leaped to German opera. After conquering the charts of Germany, she moved to India to study Buddist rock. Failing this course, she made a complete turnaround and married a southern Baptist preacher after joining his quartet, the Mahavishnu Orchestra. Now she travels the world, in a pink Cadillac recruiting musical talents, such as the Spectacular Kung-Fu Mummers, Greasy Fried Fingers, Power Master Hormones, and Free Team Players.Com.

Ahahaha. Just to be clear, this isn't meant to be taken seriously, it's completely untrue; made up off the top of our heads. The Mahavishnu Orchestra was a real band; I have their cassette tape at home (altho I've never really listened to it). The pink Cadillac part was dedicated for Josh, since this was at the time when he had the pink Cadillac, and we had this running joke about it. It was a real piece of shit, and hardly made it to his house, and he kinda bought it as a joke, so we never took that seriously, and I just had to put that in there. The "band" names were some of the other's fake band names in my class for their projects. My "band" was the Spectacular Kung-Fu Mummers. Yes it sucked, but that was part of the hilarity of it all.

I loved that project. :o)

2003-10-13T19:34:00.000-04:00

Oooh, my kind of topic!

I got this link to Creative Journaling from a blog I've been visiting almost daily, Forest Dreaming. It's about talking about the characteristics typical to your sun sign in astrology, and how they pertain to you. I decided to waste my time doing just that. ;o)

Sagittarius(November 22 - December 21)

Generous: Well, I really like to think I am. I dunno if I really am, but I do try to be. I hold doors for people, and I try to smile at everyone I pass (tho I find myself not doing that when I am pissed, but that's just normal for most people), and just be plain nice, but I'm not quite so sure that I'm generous. I do try to be generous with complimenting others when I can, so I guess that counts, huh? Honestly, I really think I should stop trying to figure this out; it shouldn't be all that hard to describe yourself as generous or not. Geez. I talk too much. Or, rather, write too much. Gah! On to next one...

Talkative: Do I really have to even say anything here? Actually, I'm not really all that talkative outside of being with my Joshie and on here (which may explain why I am so damn talkative here), so I'd have to say I'm talkative about half the time.

Straightforward: Yes, I can be most times, but I do ramble about a lot, and get off the topic quite a bit, so even this isn't a definate yes.

Impatient: Yes, yes, yes!! I can say that I am one of the most impatient people here on this earth!

Religious: Eh, spritual yes. Religious, I'd have to say no. It makes me think of one quote I was big on awhile back, although I don't remember who said it: "Religion is for those who want to stay out of hell. Spirituality is for those who have already been there."

Procrastinating: Yes, unfortunately for the most part when it's something I really don't wanna do. But then, sometimes, I just ignore that "not wanting to do it" urge, and just do it.

Broadminded: Yeah, I guess I would have to agree with that. I'm pretty open-minded about most things; I will listen to both sides of an argument and not judge until I've heard both sides, and I also have a very open-minded approach to really anything. I won't not do something, unless I've done it before and hated it. I'm hoping that makes sense. ;o)

Blunt: I can be quite blunt at times, but I usually reserve that for those that know me best, since people like to take things the wrong way.

Optimistic: Definately. I do have about 2 minutes worth of negativity about stuff when things go horribly wrong (just a moodiness/ passionate part of me), but after that, I maintain things will get better.

Hot-headed : Do I really have to answer? Honestly, if you don't know the answer to this right away, you haven't paid attention to my blog, the past 2 weeks, what with the computer problems (one of the most recent exemplified here), and all.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Well, now that's over with. I think I'm really tired of typing useless info about myself for the night. But I will indulge in telling a little story I read in Reader's Digest, which they are beginning to send me out of the blue (of course, they're asking me for money, and I ain't givin them shit; they took it upon themselves to send me 2 issues this months, and I have informed them I don't want a subscription, so if they continue, it's their prob then; I shall continue to throw it away.). I thought this was hilarius!!

After applying their lipstick in the school bathroom, a number of girls would press their lips to the mirror, leaving dozens of little lip prints.
The principal decided that something had to be done. So she called all the girls to the bathroom and explained that the lip prints were causing a major problem for the custodian. To demostrate how difficult it was, she asked the maintenance man to clean one of the mirrors. He took out a long-handled squeegee, dipped it in the toilet and swabbed the glass.
Since then, there have been no lip prints. --Phil Proctor in Planet Proctor, found in Reader's Digest October 2003.

:oD

2003-10-13T17:42:00.000-04:00

This is great!! ;o)

And for Melissa:

Link provided by Shy Lux

2003-10-13T17:38:00.000-04:00

Papa Don't Preach

I have had this freakin song in my head for about 3 hours now. I dunno why. It just popped up in my mind. Grrrr...I used to like the song, now I'm not so sure after this. ;o)

I have also noticed that I am just clumsy as hell today. Example: I spilled iced tea on myself, just because I missed my mouth when paying more attention to the computer than what I was doing. Dammit.

Well, my plans to attend the unit meeting for MK has been screwed over again. Mainly because I suck, and forgot to inform my mom I intended to go. Not to mention, I'm not even sure it's still going on tonight, since it is a holiday. Even tho most places are open, and the meeting probably is still on, I don't look forward to driving over 40 minutes away just to see it's not going on. I even emailed my director, Judi, and haven't recieved an email back yet (which isn't all that surprising, since she doesn't usually answer them until 2 days after I needed the answer). Ah well. I will try again next week, I suppose. And it may be one of the last meetings I ever go to because of that whole sucky "inactive status" BS.

Oh! I almost forgot the quote! I'll just post it below, since I don't feel like changing anything now.

"Making mistakes simply means you are learning faster." --Weston H. Agor

Okee dokee, I'm done for now. Unless I think of more useless somethings to ramble about. ;o) Have a great Monday night!! :oD

2003-10-13T15:57:00.000-04:00

One of these things

I saw this on Sam's blog, and I wanted to do one of these, so here it is:

A-ACT YOUR AGE: I'm 19, and I'll be 20 in a little over a month
B-BOYFRIEND: My Joshie ;o)
C-CHORE YOU HATE: Not particularly fond of any of them! But I suppose I will say sweeping and vaccuming
D-DAD'S NAME: John
E-ESSENTIAL MAKE UP ITEM: Lipstick
F-FAVE ACTRESS: Marilyn Monroe
G-GOLD OR SILVER: Silver
H-HOMETOWN: Barto, PA
I-INSTRUMENTS YOU PLAY: Uhhhh...does a recorder count? I have no other musical talent other than that, and that's just because I was forced to play it. I actually kinda liked it tho.
J-JOB TITLE: Housekeeper
K-KIDS: None.
L-LIVING ARRANGEMENTS: Still live with my family, but right now, I'm spending more time at my grandmother's house to get away from them all.
M-MOM'S NAME: Phyllis
N-# OF WIMMEN YOU'VE SLEPT WITH: Um, no women (sorry guys, no juicy lesbian flings as of yet ;o) ), but number of men is one.
O-OVERNIGHT HOSPITAL STAYS: None that I had since being born in the hospital.
P-PHOBIA: Swimming pools, I guess. No, I've never taken the time to learn to swim, and I don't really miss it that much, honestly.
Q-QUOTE YOU LIKE: Dammit, I like too many!! I'll just put the one from my hunny here, since it's unique to me: "I would keep a booger if you gave it to me." - Josh
R-RELIGIOUS AFFILIATION: "Semi-spiritual/non religious" --that was what Sam had said, an it sounds pretty accurate for me too.
S-SIBLINGS: 3 older sisters: Bonnie, Betty and Tina; one brother that only lived for a day after being born: Thomas (no, I wasn't alive then, so I don't remember that)
T-TIME YOU WAKE UP: Usually 6:30 to 6:45 am during the week, and the weekends I work, I get up at 5:00 am.
U-UNIQUE HABIT: Ughhh....I have no idea.
V-VEGETABLE YOU REFUSE TO EAT: Gah, brussel sprouts!! Cannot even stand the smell of them, no less able to look at 'em! (gagging just thinkin about 'em!!)
W-WORST HABIT: Cracking my thumbs. I know that sounds weird, but I have double-jointed thumbs, and they tend to crack on their own, but I can also crack them just by bending them if I wanna. Okay, yes I am gross. Josh tells me that a lot (about the thumbs, I mean!)
X-X-RAYS YOU'VE HAD: Teeth at the dentist, and one on my left wrist, my left hand's pinkie finger, and one on my left side of my collarbone, all in one night.
Y-YUMMY FOOD YOU MAKE: Hmmm...Don't make much food, just the easy shit...well, I think I make damn good french toast, if ya like that
Z-ZODIAC SIGN: Sagittarius (heh, I'll refrain from going into the moon sign and the ascendent, etc...)

Okay, have fun with it! :oD

2003-10-13T14:25:00.000-04:00

My other page...

I have this other page that I built with webtv, er rather "msntv" as it is called now, and it kinda sucks. I haven't worked on it for probably a year, and then I didn't even fix the dead links, just to warn you if you go lookin around. I have a quote page on there, so I thought I'd link it if you were interested.

This is the main page, and this is the quotes page.

Warning! This was made originally when I was still in school, and I was a bit annoying/obnoxious with the comments I have on the pages, just so ya know. I'm actually kinda embarrassed by what and how I wrote back then. It certainly isn't how I write now, although I do find some of that seeping into these blog posts.

Well, enjoy!

2003-10-10T17:03:00.000-04:00

Kay, blogroll addition time!

Alrighty, I gotta make this quick, but I will at least list them, even if I can't comment on how wonderful they are, which is usually the reasoning behind my adding them in the first place.

First off, I gotta write about Sean. I think he's gotta be my biggest fan (behind my Joshie of course ;o)). Which I like having fans, so take that as a compliment. ;o) And I have to quote him on the post he made today:

1. Do you watch sports? If so, which ones?
"I do not like to watch sports on T.V. I would rather watch the mating ritual of grasshoppers."

After reading that, don't you think he's great too? I do. :o)

Jen and Tonic is pretty popular, and I had been reading for a bit, and I thought she was really funny and cool, so there ya go.

Jewdez is just so nice, and even tho she doesn't seem to post often (ie: every day, which I like to read new things every day), I still think she's Jellybean-blogroll worthy. :o)

(Note: Just to be clear, really everyone is Jellybean-blogroll worthy, just has to pass my extensive research of whether it will keep my attention span, and if you update often, and have a pretty site. ;o) )

Okay, so Shabbydoll hasn't updated since October 2, but her really pretty lookin site make up for it. I haven't really been reading all that long (I think I found it about a week ago), but it seems like a lot of people I read regularly like it, so I trust their judgement. Besides, what she has posted the most recently is pretty good, so that moved her up in my book. (That's usually how I decide if I like a particular blog, just so you know, because I get too lazy to spend hours reading everyone's archives. The only ones I consider doing that for is the originals I had on my blogroll for a long time now, just because, if they don't post, and I want that person's "fix" for the day, then I can get it there. Heh, I'm so blog-addicted. I'm even calling it a fix. Heh)

Okay just one more: Shy Lux is linked to on multiples of my fave blogs, so I checked her out one day, and I really think I love her. ;o) No, just kiddin. But seriously, she reminds me of myself. I haven't placed it yet, tho. If you see any resemblance, let me know, since I'm really curious and I haven't been able to see it myself. Did that make sense? Damn, I need caffeine.

Alrighty, we've come to the end (of the road. Heh, I just heard a Boys To Men song earlier, but it was "I'll Make Love To You." Not quite the same thing tho.). Anyway, enjoy your Friday night!! :oD

2003-10-10T16:08:00.000-04:00

"Mistakes are the usual bridge between inexperience and wisdom." --Phyllis Theroux

Geesh...I just had a really weird experience. Internet Explorer locked up on me again, so I just closed the 2 windows I had open, and when I did that, a huge amount of IE windows just kept popping up, for no reason whatsoever, and at one point, I was just clicking the X on the upper right corner, and they were coming as fast as I was closing them! At one point, I had 20 of them open. Yes, 20! I dunno why. I didn't do anything unusual. Ah well, I'm having a weird day, so I'm not really all that surprised.

I will be doing another blogroll addition post sometime today (which I've actually been meaning to do for a few days, but lazy me), so you can look forward to that later on.

Alrighty, my mind's a blank. I guess that will be all for now. ;o)

2003-10-10T14:50:00.000-04:00

Yes, I believe I was right!! (In reference to yesterday's post.)

Here is the site for The Real World season Melissa was on. And scroll down, once the incredibly long loading time is done, and click on the Now link, and it pops open a window which gives her website!

I feel special now. :oD

Even tho I'm sure a lot more people already knew that was her. :oP

Btw, the hot chocolate was great. I think it really perked me up! Chocolate is a wonderful, wonderful thing!!

2003-10-10T14:08:00.000-04:00

Sleep, wonderful sleep!

Guys, all I feel like doing at the moment is curling up in my pj's on the couch with a cup of hot chocolate and going to sleep. I dunno what made me change from feeling like normal this morning, to really sleepy and tired, but that's all I feel like doing. (Must be the icky weather outside.) Unfortunately, being at someone else's apartment, it would be very difficult to do that. :o( And, if the night proceeds as normal later, I will be sleeping on the couch at Josh's while his friends are sitting there talking to him. And, oooh this is interesting, according to Karen, Richard will be bringing his new girlfriend from NJ with him. Oh joy. I somehow think she will be bored out of her mind. I know I usually get bored at some point before they decide to leave at 11:30 at night. Bleh. Wish I could make this a short night, but it's not lookin too good for that. :o/

I think I will now indulge in that hot chocolate, tho. ;o)

2003-10-10T13:17:00.000-04:00

I wish people would tell me the time!

Written at 8:20 am, posted just now since this is the first I'm online today.

I am here at my sis's waiting for Chuck to get out of bed, since no one told me he had to be at work at 9. It is 8:21, and he's not even out of bed yet. Dammit. I coulda ran home and eaten breakfast. It's been about an hour since I stopped exercising, and I really don't wanna wait that long. I don't even know when he's gonna get out of bed. I thought he'd be waiting to leave right away. Gah! I'm tired and hungry, and I haven't even taken a shower yet. I'm not even really in a pissy mood, but I'm writing about it since it's really put me in a shitty spot, and I really just wanna go home. I know I can't, since then I'll just have to waste gas coming back here, so if he doesn't like the fact I'm sittin here using the computer this early, he can just kiss my ass. I plead ignorance, there. My dad has just gone right from dropping of my mom and sis, to just coming over here for Chuck, or so I thought. I have to ask if he comes straight here. That's what I had thought, and know I'm stuck waiting...Bleh.

Well, I hear signs of life, so I better get goin.

2003-10-09T17:02:00.000-04:00

Holy shit!

I was at Tbone's blog earlier, and he had made a post where he googled his name for images, and so I got the idea to do it with my name. My full name doesn't get anything, but with just Melissa, there were a whole bunch. So, I was only on the first page of it, and I was scrolling down, when, on the third row, I saw the address for Princess Melissa's bio. So, I waited until it loaded, and I noticed a certain resemblance to the one Melissa chick on the MTV show, The Real World. I'm still not completely sure, but I did go to Princess Melissa'a site (I have her on my blogroll), and read the last entry she did. She mentioned this:

"I still can’t get over Beyonce’s hit “Bootylicious.” Make your booty touch the ground? And I said the word bootylicious on Real World before that song came out. I don’t think I coined the shit, but can I get a royalty check?"

I was like, "Holy shit! I didn't even realize this!" Now, I haven't really done anymore extensive searching about this, but I will be after finishing this post and I will get back to you with the results. By the way, the bio pic on her page has changed since the one I found on the google search, and it only slighty resembles her, so I'm still not completely sure. But damn, it's kinda cool when you find stuff out like that! :o)

Of course, she probably doesn't want everyone searching for her and bugging the shit out of her, and that's why it's not very clear on her site. Hmmm....

2003-10-09T14:47:00.000-04:00

Heh, annoying am I!

I am just plain annoying.. Gum is my life. Violet Beauregaurd is my name, back off.

My fate: I end up blowing up like a blueberry all because of that little piece of "gum". Then I have to be juiced. Who knows where I go from here.

Which Willy Wonka character are you?

made by

Link provided by: Jen!

2003-10-09T14:24:00.000-04:00

Wonderin...

I've often wondered this past month: do the people who link to me really actually like what I write, or are they just linking me because I link to them? Of course I hope it's the first one. ;o) I don't really want everyone coming here if they think it sucks, so I don't really crave more than the amount I've got here lately. I mean, just because Acidman found my post on the dream, I had about 150+ hits here, and Brian said he had problems logging on here. (Sorry if you encountered that too! Blame blogspot for being so sucky with high volume. And, the zonkboard probably didn't help either, which is my fault for putting that thing on there that slows the entire loading time up.) So, I'm not really looking for the quantity, more like the quality. I'm honored to be linked by every blog I'm on, because their writing is just so damn good, I like to be associated with that. Heh, even if I suck. :oP

So, I guess what I mean to say is: thank you all for giving me "linky-love", and you're all just the best!

2003-10-09T14:03:00.000-04:00

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were the big things."
--Robert Brault

I would like to wish my one friend, Crystal (no, not the one who has a blog, and if she did have one, I certainly didn't know about it). So, Happy Birthday!!

Damn, I can't think of anything in particular to write about now. That's been happening the past few days; I'd be thinking about something that I'd wanna comment on here, but then forget it by the time I got to write. Agh, that is a sucky thing to happen to someone who likes to blabber on about nothing at all. ;o)

Well, to make this short, I'll go try to think of what it was I was gonna ramble about, and I'll be back later!! Have a happy Thursday!! :oD

2003-10-08T17:13:00.000-04:00

"Anybody who accepts mediocrity-in school, on the job, in life-is a person who compromises, and when the leader compromises, the whole organization compromises." --Charles Knight

Sorry about all the weird things going on. I was looking at some of the Blogger things, and thought I found a solution to something that had been really pissing me off lately with the template and wasn't showing up right on the blog. And now I think I've just plain fucked some of the shit up. I don't think I can do much more to it to get it right. So, if you were wondering, that's what's been goin on.

I recieved a call last night from Comfort Keepers!! I had applied there about a month to a month and a half ago, and I had done it through snail mail, but the one lady called me to find out if I was still interested in an interview!! Yay!! Of course, when I called their office, no one picked up, so I left a message. I guess I will call later, but if the answering machine goes on, I won't leave another message. May seem kinda stalkerish, even if I am excited by the prospect of the job. I may scare them away.

Well, I'm off to fix this shit, so have a great day everyone!! :oD

UPDATE: I have fixed it!!! Yay for me!! ;oP Yes, I'm weird. I am now archiving daily, and that'll suck if you go to the archive page, but I think the permalink will work a bit better now. Kinda makes me wanna get up and do a dance, since I've spent all afternoon trying to get stuff to work, and finally accomplishing that makes me so happy!! Alright, I'll shut up now. ;o)

2003-10-08T15:39:00.000-04:00

Pretty sure I took this quiz before and got a different result, but this fits me too.

Morpheus

?? Which Of The Greek Gods Are You ??
brought to you by Quizilla

Sorry if it's big. It is quite large on the results page, so I'm hoping it doesn't mess up the columns on here....

Quiz link provided by Melissa (damn, I've somehow found a lot of Melissa bloggers out there, all without even trying!).

2003-10-07T18:35:00.000-04:00

The all-time winner for most interesting post title is...

Well, I made that up. There isn't one that I know of. But I thought this post had a funny title. Certainly one that makes you look twice. ;o)

On another note, I think Internet Explorer is really having probs lately on this computer. I can't seem to open anyone's comments anymore, and I actually find myself with witty remarks to add to the comments. It's killin me!! I was able to add a few comments, but after I posted a comment to Sam's blog, it just didn't work anymore. So I keep reporting it, just to piss off those people that handle that (well, not so sure there actually are people that do that...), and by going to a website about it, they basically tell me I need to manually uninstall this thing, which, if you're a computer novice (as am I, mostly), then you're screwed, since you'll probably fuck your computer up royally. Oh, but there IS some software you can buy for $40 or $50 that will take care of the problem. Bastards.

Now, if only my boyfriend was a computer genius, and not a mechanic, I wouldn't be having such problems... *sigh*

2003-10-07T17:27:00.000-04:00

This is quite surprising.

I just happened to check Blogshares, just for fun, since Emily had done the same, and found this for my blog!! Heh. I wonder why...

2003-10-07T16:25:00.000-04:00

"Try to forget yourself in the service of others. For when we think too much of ourselves and our own interests, we easily become despondent. But when we work for others, our efforts return to bless us." --Sidney Powell

Oooo! I tried this peanut-butter and jelly toasted sandwich from Acidman's site, and, let me tell you- it is pure heaven! Oh my god, I loved it!! The only thing was that I had to substitute the chunky pb for creamy, since no one but me likes the crunchy kind, but it was still the damned bestest sandwich I have had in a long f-ing time!!

Heh, who knew I could go on like that about a freakin sandwich? ;o)

I gave myself a manicure and pedicure this morning. I dunno why I picked this pink color for my fingernails. I'm not usually the type to pick a cotton candy-ish color for my nails, but I did for some reason today. Maybe to color coordinate with the red on my toenails. Who knows?? I don't even know what possessed me to even do a manicure, considering I ain't wearing sandals for the rest of the year, that's for sure. Ah, anyway, I cannot sit still when I do my nails. I dunno why. I guess when I have to do something, I just can't. I dunno. And, although I made sure I went to the potty before I started, I ended up having to pee again in the middle of the process of doing my fingernails. I guess my body was just saying, "Hah. Serves you right for drinking all that water!" I really tried not to do anything with my hands (much harder than you know), and succeeded for awhile. But when I thought it was safe, I went and did a few things, being ever so meticulous about not touching my nails to anything, but what do I do? I smudge 'em anyway. I always do this. I can never go without doing that. I sat for 20 minutes doing nothing, for godssakes!! Gah! Maybe I layed it on too thick. Hmmm...

Anyway, not much else to report about daily life. Same ol' shit. So, I guess that's my cue to end this. Have a wonderful Tuesday, guys!! :oD

2003-10-07T15:37:00.000-04:00

Wow

Sam wrote quite a long and almost painfully truthful account of her past. I don't even really have the words to introduce this post. Just go read it if you've got a bit of time on your hands, and if you'd really like to get a good glimpse into her, more so than she already has tried to convey. So far, the post is the one at the top. The post is titled, "Daddy's Girl."

2003-10-06T20:18:00.000-04:00

Just thinkin...

I was thinking this morning about when I started to blog. It was on a group blog with a few other people that I never met; the girl who was "running" the blog was who invited me to join, and she was the only one I had ever talked to before. It was actually a good blog, now that I think about it. The website part of it was great quality, and I was very glad that I was a part of it, although I never really got what "blogging" really was. At least, not how I think about it now. I really didn't post much, and when I actually spent time at it, everyone started posting less frequently, until no one was posting anymore. And the site isn't there anymore. So, that was my first blog. I miss those girls. Well, there was a guy that posted too, but that was few and far between. I wonder whatever happened to them...

The girl who had invited me to join, Jenna, had her own website, and soon after the blog disappeared, hers did too. I know she was having problems, and I'm almost worried that something had happened to her, but I'll never know. I couldn't even email her; the email would come back to me. I haven't thought about it for a long time, til last October, when I started this blog. I decided to go back and make a post, but no one had been on the other one for over a year, so I just didn't bother. So I decided to start this. I'm glad I did, since I enjoy writing in a journal, but always gave that up after a few weeks, regardless of how hard I would try to keep with it. I've been able to keep up with this pretty regularly, and have even become addicted (can ya tell??). I have made some blog friends, and have come to really enjoy and care about those who I read about every day. Hey, I even dream about them. ;o)

I really wonder what happened to Jenna. Like I said, she was having problems, and I just hope she didn't end up in serious trouble or something. The way she talked about her home life, I really wouldn't doubt that, which saddens me more than words. If you ever read this Jenna, let me know you're okay, cause I'd like to be reassured that everything's okay, and better than it was at that time of your life.

Damn, I feel like crying now. I hate that. I've lost a lot of good friends over the years, and some of those I lost contact with, and some just decided to become assholes and not talk to me. I know I may not have been thisclose to them, but it woulda been nice to end things on a nicer note. I hardly talk to my best friend, as she is in Florida at the moment, and quite busy at that (btw, if you are reading this, Crys, leave a comment or something). Ah, such is life. I must get over it, I suppose.

Well, I think I'm done remembering for now. How did you get started?

2003-10-06T18:31:00.000-04:00

"The seeds you plant in the hearts and minds of others will be what you receive in return --100-fold. Only sow that which you wish to receive in return. Sow good, receive good! Plant seeds daily in your Mary Kay business and your Mary Kay business will return toyou." -Mary Kay Ash (Speech Topic Book)

Ok, ok, I admit I've been avoiding the personal post thing today. Frankly, it's cause I've got nothin. I could complain about random things, but I really think I should lay off that for awhile since I've been indulging that a bit much on the blog lately. So, I shall leave you with that quote there.

That's all, guys. Have a good Monday night!! :oD

2003-10-06T17:16:00.000-04:00

Almost forgot!

I promised Carol, my working buddy, that I'd write her a post when I next got the chance. So here I am, writing her a post (although I have no idea what to write at this moment).

Carol,

I had no dreams last night, just so you know. :oP I hope you're enjoying your day off. I love ya, woman!! "Shake your tailfeather!!" ;o)
-Melissa

Okay, that's the best I can produce at the moment.

I know, I suck. Sorry. :o/

2003-10-06T17:02:00.000-04:00

Sunofabitch

I must be a magnet for computer shit this past week. Goddammit. Now Internet Explorer is giving me shit. All day today I've had to close everysinglefucking window on IE that I had running, since it decided to just shit out on me. On top of pms'ing this week, this is just too damnfucking aggravating to deal with!!

Okay, okay, I feel better now that I got that out, but that's not solving my problem. Must go try to fuck with it to see if it'll work now. Gah!

2003-10-06T16:06:00.000-04:00

No more dreams lately...

I was checking out my blog earlier, and I noticed that there were an awful lot of hits lately. I knew it could mean only one thing: Acidman found my post. But, what can I say? I can't say I'm upset, since many people are stopping by. Although I get the feeling I'm probably boring them since my blog isn't as high quality as most of the ones he links to usually. But, hell, thanks! I appreciate it.

I just want to say, nothing is wrong with fantasies about older men. I did enjoy myself, after all. I was just surprised by who it was, and the fact that it came out of nowhere. Although, I think Roscoe might've had a little influence on that. ;o) Ah, and as far as being a bad influence, I really don't think that's completely true. I'm not as innocent as I seem.

2003-10-03T16:37:00.000-04:00

There we go... :o)

I was having issues (who can believe that?! ;o) ) with the archives, and I just put them on a different page, and I think that'll work for now. I really gotta get goin, so I really don't have a lot of time to waste anymore. Oh, and I dunno what's up with the online status thingy on the left. And at this point, I really don't care. Have a wonderful weekend, guys!! :oD

2003-10-03T16:00:00.000-04:00

"The entire sum of existence is the magic of being needed by just one person."
--Vi Putnam

Damn! It's nearly 4 pm already!! Today has been sorta busy for me, yet I don't think I've really accomplished much of anything. I cleaned the house this morning, then I came here and spent soooo long just reading blogs. For some reason, I didn't get my email with the blogs that had updated, so it screwed up my little schedule that I have during the day. Not to mention, this is Friday, meaning I won't be online because it's the weekend. So it's just ending this week on a weird note. I'm not so sure any of that made sense, since I'm tired from reading too much, and I've just been really tired all day anyway.

I hate cleaning. Not for the usual reasons, either. I really don't mind the actual cleaning itself. I'm a neat freak, so it makes me feel good when everything's all organized and clean. But I hate how the sponges make that really annoying squeaking sound. I know, I'm weird. But seriously, that sound makes me get goosebumps. It's like hearing nails on a chalkboard for me. I dunno what started it. I always remember wanting to go punch the kids purposly sqeaking their sneakers incessantly when it was a rainy day, and we'd be on our way to school on the bus. Honestly, I just hate that sound. Annoys the shit out of me (as if ya couldn't tell by now ;o) ).

Ah anyway, I think I shall give up the blogging today. Maybe I shoulda stayed home, since I'm really not with it now. Bleh.

2003-10-02T17:05:00.000-04:00

Ahahaha

I found this site off of jozjozjoz's blog, and I thought I'd share what my one nickname means as a slang term:

Melippa
adj. overly fond of contraceptives.
"Jose is way more Melippa than Mom."

Here's the one for Melissa:

Melissa
interj. expression of disbelief.
"Mom, I just saw Billy and Billie, going to cheat on a child!" "Melissa!"

Heh. I may be more easily amused than before believed. ;o)

2003-10-02T14:56:00.000-04:00

Oh. My. God.

Okay. I don't even know how to start this. I have to write about this, after all, that's what this blog is for. It sure as hell ain't about news, politics, bull-shit, etc. So here I go.

I know I'm probably gonna gross at least one person out, for a good reason.

It has to do with another sex dream (damn, I need some lovin! Can't wait to see Josh tonight ;o) ), and another blogger. A well-known blogger. I'm almost afraid to link to him, but I will. I'm not really a link-whore, but even if I didn't put his link on here, you'd know who it was, just from the name, and could findt he site very easily.

Okay, okay, I'll just say it. I had a dream about Acidman!! Yes, sexual in nature too! I admit I was freaked out about that Prince dream I had a few days ago, but honestly not as freaked as I am this! He' s old enough to be my dad. That in itself isn't a bad thing, I suppose, but I still find it strange that I even had a dream with him in it, period. I read his blog everyday, and yes, some of his opinions/comments make me think of Josh, since they'd probably agree on a lot of things. But damn, I never thought it'd come to this. I guess I just like older men. Prince, Acidman...who next? Ugh, I'm not so sure I wanna find out. So far, the choices weren't so bad, but if the trend continues, there may be some really old man in the picture next.

Ah, I better say this too. I wasn't let down either. ;o)

Sorry Sam. This wasn't meant to gross you out, honest. I had to say it, otherwise it woulda been eating away at me. I already got all red faced just reading his blog today, before I wrote this.

I hope Josh never reads this. I don't think I've got much to worry about there, since he pretty much thinks it's a waste of time. So, that's good. Now to think about the fact that Rob might actually read this; now I think I've got to worry.

2003-10-02T14:37:00.000-04:00

Gah!!Kiss my ass AOL!! You don't need to kick me off every 20-fucking minutes.

Asswipes.

2003-10-02T14:27:00.000-04:00

"Ideals are like stars; you will not succeed in touching them with your hands. But like the seafaring man on the desert of waters, you choose them as your guides, and
following them you will reach your destiny."
--Carl Schurz

Heh, I just watched the Sharon Osbourne show, and Gary Busey was on it. He made the funniest comment. He said, "If ya wanna lose some weight, put some salt on your ass, and go to a petting zoo." That was very loosely quoted, since I suck at remembering exact lines from movies and tv shows and shit, but I do know that was the gist of it. Definately one of the quotes you gotta think about before you really get it.

BTW, I really like this wBloggar, and I think I've fixed what's wrong, so it should work fine now. *crosses fingers*

2003-10-01T20:20:00.000-04:00

I am trying to use this wBloggar, but what a pain in the ass!
Honestly, I dunno why it's doing what it's doing, but I thought I fixed it earlier. Apparently I didn't. Dammit.

Anyway, I downloaded this thing called wBloggar, and it wasn't working right, so I went to the main page for it and tried the solution to a major problem they were having with Blogger. After I did that, it worked fine. And then...it took a shit. Now for some reason, it's giving me the same damn message I was getting before I did that solution thingy. Dammit. I'm not going to link to them on here until they prove themselves with this shit. I dunno exactly what's wrong, but I don't like it, and I am just getting frustrated!

AOL was pissing me off too, but that's not new. That's a daily thing. There is only one access number that we can use locally, and they took away the 2nd number apparently, so now it's too busy to even log on. I spent half an hour trying to dial that number, and then proceeded with "Fuck it!" and put in another number, and guess what?! It worked almost instantly (well, as instant as you get on dial-up).

So, I am having issues with computers in general, and I'm not a happy Melissa at the moment.

Psst: Sorry if I've been bitchy lately, which I know I have. I'm a bit pms'y, so I blame it on that. :o(

2003-10-01T16:12:00.000-04:00

Aw come on...

I get weekly Self emails, and the one I got today had this little snippet in it:

HAIR-RAISING INFO
If you have to pluck stray grays before you're 30, you may be at risk for thyroid disease, reports the Thyroid Foundation of America in Boston. That's because a common culprit behind thyroid problems-an out-of-whack immune system-can also attack hair pigment cells. For more health news you can use, turn to page 98 of the October issue of SELF.

Shit. I have gray hairs already (altho I don't pluck them). And my mom has a thyroid problem. I guess I'm screwed.

::On another note, I added 2 blogs to the blogroll (not much of a surprise, huh?), and took a few off that I wasn't reading as often as I used to. They were pretty popular, so I'm sure you already have the links or can find them by yourself. The new ones are:

Butterfly Dani and poop beetle. You know the schpeel. :o)

2003-10-01T14:43:00.000-04:00

"A habit is something you can do without thinking - which is why most of us have so many of them."
--Frank A. Clark

Hmm...that got me thinking, what are my habits? I know that I have a habit of wiping the sink anywhere I go after I wash my hands because of work, but that's not really bad. I know I carry too much shit around with me; my purse, and tote bag, maybe an extra shirt in case of getting cold (which happens quite a bit). Too much makeup sometimes, maybe? And too much perfume sometimes, according to Josh (he prefers the aroma au natural, so he's not a fan of perfume whatsoever, so it's hard to tell if he's just complaining that I'm wearing any prefume), but ya gotta smell good, right? Hmmm....I slouch very often, and that's a bad one. Another bad habit of mine is when I'm talking to someone, I don't always keep my eyes on them; like when I'm talking, I look away, but when the other person is talking, I always look them in the eye, is that weird? Alright, I know there are tons more habits of mine I could list, but I won't bore you.

I had a really weird experience this morning. Yes, it has to do with another dream, but it wasn't of the sexual persuation this time. I had a dream about something that isn't clear to me, except for the fact that it included emptying the de-humidifiers at my grandmother's house. I remember quite clearly that there was a big emphasis on it. I hadn't even thought of it in about a week, and later this morning, I went downstairs and noticed that the de-humidifier was full, and needed emptied. I just thought that was very weird, since I haven't even thought about checking it until my dream this morning.

Anyway, I didn't leave here last night til 10:45. No one called or anything (big surprise), but I did find out what happened on the ride home. Apparently, the family was pretty late getting done at work, and my 2 sisters dropped my mom off at home, not sure why that was on the agenda-- unless the sisters were planning on a shopping trip-- but when they went back out to the car, they noticed the tire was flat. Well, the spazzes that they are, took half an hour (or more; I get the feeling that it was longer than they thought) to change the damn thing. And still no one thought to inform me they'd be late. They probably figured that it wouldn't take very long (they tend to think that an awful lot), and just said, "Well, we'll just tell her when we get there." Now, of course, I dunno how that is supposed to be an excuse for waiting yet longer to come pick me up, while still not letting me know what was going on. Hmmm...my mom could have easily emailed me to let me know; I know damn well she was online (she's more addicted than I am, even tho she only uses the Webtv which I can't stand), as well as I was, for that part of the night. Oh well. It's done and over, but I still can't believe, even after all these years, how they don't pay enough respect to me just to tell me shit or whatever, and if I'd return the favor (by not telling them messages, or basically treat them the same way they treat me), they'd be bitching worse than I do about it. It's one of those things that grates on my every last nerve when it happens, since it happens so often and, try as I might, I can't seem to get the message through. They're just too damn stubborn. :o/

Well I may as well get going. If the trend continues as it has lately, I will have plenty more posts by tonight, and so my initial babbling session doesn't have to be so long. ;o)

Oh, I intend to be here tomorrow, but not Friday, just so you know. Have a spiffy day!! :oD

2003-09-30T21:36:00.000-04:00

"I'd keep a booger if you gave it to me." --Josh on 9/30/03

Heh, I thought that one should go on the record. :o) Isn't he so sweet? Hehe. It's not your typical compliment, but it means well.

2003-09-30T19:58:00.000-04:00

Walking After Midnight is up and running, and I must say, it is quite spiffy!! I also like it a lot, cuz it looks like something I woulda picked for my layout. So go check it out now! Go! ;o)

2003-09-30T17:12:00.000-04:00

Gritty (from the blog Grittyville; aka Brian) is moving to a new domain!! He said it would be up by Wednesday or Thursday, so you should check back and see; I'll be posting when it is all done. Here's the url for those who don't wanna come back here to check and see: http://www.walkingaftermidnight.com.

Well, that is all for the moment.

2003-09-30T15:24:00.000-04:00

"Habit is habit, and not to be flung out of the window by any man, but coaxed downstairs a step at a time."
--Mark Twain

O yeah! I think today will be good!:

Your Daily Horoscope for September 30, 2003

Dear MELISSA,
There is a special power to your words today, MELISSA, and an internal confidence that rarely comes around this strongly. You should be noticing a strength to your emotions and your basic personality. Take this opportunity to get one step ahead in the game. You have a special influence that cannot be matched by anyone today, so don't let others convince you of anything that you aren't one hundred per cent sure of yourself.

Best wishes for today, from the astrologers of Astrocenter

Heh, that's got me feelin all confident in myself now. That might be a bad thing. ;o) I have been commenting on blogs a lot today, so we'll just see what happens.

I slept at my house last night, and because my bed is sooo much less supportive than the one at my grandmother's that I sleep in, the right side of my lower back is very sore today. And, I decided to take the a/c out of my window in my room, so that probably didn't help the situation much at all. I know, I shoulda just left it go for another day, but I really didn't wanna. :oP

Oh, and I was listening to the radio this morning, and on y100's Morning show with Preston and Steve, they were talking about kids that were named a brand name of something. I thought that was so funny! The fact someone actually names their kid something like Zenith, or Toshiba, or Xerox, is just plain stupid, but I just thought that someone actually had the stupidity to name their kids something like that when the kids have to live with it the rest of their lives. Hey, I guess maybe that won't be all bad; maybe the other kids in their classes won't make fun of them, but in most cases, you know they will. Ah well, I guess I have no right to judge anyone, so maybe I should shut up. :o)

Hmm...I'm hungry now. Why does this only happen to me when I'm here? Could it be that I know there are foods in the cabinet that aren't healthy calling me to them? Could be indeed. We need fruit here, and then it wouldn't be such a bad thing. I like fruit, yet no one in my family wants to buy it. And I'm too lazy and cash deprived that I won't get it myself. So I guess that's a cue to stop complaining.

Okee dokee, have a spectacular day!! :oD

2003-09-29T18:16:00.000-04:00

Well damn

I am sitting here waiting for my ride. When, I shoulda left about 3 minutes ago to make it on time to the meeting. Therefore I am not going, and I'm not a very happy camper about that fact, but, in all honesty, I wasn't sure I was up to the job of being very cheerful and happy and making small talk for about 2 1/2 hours...I hate small talk. I'm not good at it, never was, and really don't think I ever will be.

Oh, don't get the impression I'm a bitch all the time; I just tend to be one of those "happy by myself" people that don't need other people, or useless chatter for that matter (no matter how that seems to be a lie from reading this blog), so I'm not always very comfortable at the meetings when forced to make conversation. I prefer to watch and listen.

Hmmm....maybe I am just weird. :o/

Adding this lil bit after I had already posted this message, but I didn't wanna put another post on here :oP

I read in my horoscope book, American Astrology, I read that "personal magnetism is high for most of the day and tonight's events are nothing short of spectacular!" Dammit, I was really looking forward to getting out in the world to take advantage of that "personal magnetism," even if it's only for a few minutes. *sniffs* It's ok, I think I'll survive. ;o)

2003-09-29T15:47:00.000-04:00

Melissa (not me; another one!) had a link for the Longevity Game, and I'm spossed to live to 91! Damn! I don't really think the odds of that are good, since both of my grandfathers died of cancer (I also think both were lung cancer, too), and my parents have really crappy health anymore, but let's just wait and see. You can't really predict the future anyway. :o)

2003-09-29T15:12:00.000-04:00

This is just terrible...

Special Needs of Ritually Circumcised Women Patients

Ick! I cannot even imagine what that would be like. Nor would I want to find out!!!

Link provided by: Sam!

2003-09-29T14:54:00.000-04:00

"We can often endure an extra pound of pain far more easily than we can suffer the withdrawal of an ounce of accustomed pleasure."
--Sydney J. Harris

"God is love...love is blind...Ray Charles is blind...Ray Charles is God?" --Bloghop home page

"Success can also cause misery. The trick is not to be surprised when you discover it doesn't bring you all the happiness and answers you thought it would."
--the artist formerly known as Prince

Heh, 3 for the price of one! (quotes, that is)

That's it. I'm done with trying to interpret my dreams in any way. Because I really don't think that the dream I had this morning before waking up was meant to make any sense whatsoever! Not to mention, after how many weeks of not seeing Prince in anymore dreams of mine, I finally have another one, and it was NOT as innocent as the other few I've had. It's quite honestly disturbing to me that I can finally say truthfully that I've had a sex dream with Prince. *shudders* And, a bunch of friends from high school were there. Most of whom were those I went to elementary school with. I was rudely reminded of my dream as I was driving past one of my bud's cul-de-sac, who also happened to have attended my elementary school. And then, just to remind me of this freakish dream yet again, I got one of my daily quote emails with that quote from Prince included!! I tell you, I cannot escape it!!

On another note, I am number 7 on the list of "jellybean porn" for Google. Just thought I should let you know that. ;o)
I got that since I had written earlier what search terms people were finding my site with and the little description for it that included the words was: "The most popular search that draws people to my site from Google is "jellybean clipart."
Don't ... Eh well, at least I don't have porn freaks stopping by, like Rose ..."
Of course, why someone would be searching for that, I'll never know. Oh, and I'm number 2 for the search of "jellybean dances" too!

Oh and my Joshie finally read some of this on Friday night! Yay! He says it doesn't suck, so I'm happy. :o) He only read the last few posts. I had to laugh when I re-read some of the last post I wrote, since I was mad and thought to myself, "Damn, he had to read that post, didn't he?!" Wasn't exactly one of my "awe-inspiring" ones to say the least. I was stuck here until after 10, I think. Maybe we got home earlier, but I can't remember now. No, it was after ten, since my dad was home when we got there. So, yeah, that was a hellishly long time to be stuck here bored out of my mind. I talked to Josh online right before I left, so I left on a good note, so that was good. Otherwise I may have bitched more about it on the ride home.

This weekend was nice. Of course, every weekend that you have off is nice, just because you don't work, right? Well, I only get one every other week, so I have to make sure I enjoy myself, otherwise it's kinda disappointing.

Anyway, Josh had to get a hammer for work, so we went to Sears, and the one cashier guy said to Josh, "Your girlfriend has really pretty hair."
I didn't know what to say after that, but Josh said, "Am I supposed to say thank you or is she?"
Then the guy's like, "Oh, well, you have pretty hair too."
Josh ran his hand through his hair and said, "Why thank you!" It was a classic moment. I have to laugh about it now, just because I haven't been out and about with him for awhile.

Yesterday's visit with Karen (Josh's mom) was really good too. We went to his little bro's baseball game, and I enjoyed myself, even if I was freezin my ass off. It didn't last really long, so it wasn't all that bad, and it made it all the more nicer to sit in the house and relax a bit. So, all in all, it was a good weekend.

I'm actually going to the MK meeting tonight (if I get picked up at a reasonable time). I didn't RSVP with Judi, tho, so I dunno if that's bad, but since I have no special guest coming, I don't suppose that'll cause too much of a prob if I just call this afternoon. Judi needs to stop emailing me. I'm sick of 'em. Or at least send them during the week, when I'll actually get them on time. I think more than 85% of them are sent on a Friday, and since I don't check that email twice, I usually don't get them until it's too late. Eh well, maybe she'll get the hint tonight. I dunno.

Well, time to go. Have a grand Monday, and don't miss me too much until tomorrow!! ;oD

2003-09-26T20:19:00.000-04:00

Yes, dammit, I'm still here.

And eating a piece of chicken with one hand, and typing with the other. And listening to Fleetwood Mac. This may take awhile. ;o)

No one has been here since the weird occurance earlier. Not too thrilled with that. No phone calls, nuttin. Yes, I was offline for quite awhile after that, but still nuttin.

I also called Josh a few minutes ago, and decided to give up on visiting him tonight, so that sucks ass.

Not to mention, I exhausted the entire list of favorites earlier, too, waiting for me ride, so I'm a bit bored. And this chicken is getting suckier with each bite.

Gah. I can't win tonight.

2003-09-26T17:54:00.000-04:00

Goddamn it all to hell...

I think someone was just here to pick me up, but by the time I got to the window to check see if someone was here (I was brushing my teeth, and thought I heard something outside), I saw someone hop into the Chrysler, and peel outta the parking lot. Fucker. Better come back. I don't even know why they'd stop if they weren't gonna wait for me. Argh.

2003-09-26T17:37:00.000-04:00

Blogroll additions... I'm sure you're sick of 'em by now. :oP

Highly moody is one I just added this afternoon. Seems to be a very cool girl, and I highly reccommend her site!

I added I don't think... yesterday and never told you. I'm sure you might not have noticed. It's a high quality blog, with great quality writing.

Neurotic Fish Bowl (Kimberlie) is being added as we speak (er, rather, as I speak). She just went into the hospital last night; wish her well!!

Eager For Tomorrow is yet another cool chick (I don't know her personally of course; she woulda been up here looong ago if I had!!), and I like her template. It's so pretty! :o) Heh, I'm quite easily amused. (I'll link ya if you're templates pretty! ;o) No, that's not the main reason I'm adding her to the blogroll, it's just an added bonus!)

That is it. Until next time, Aloha! :oD

2003-09-26T16:30:00.000-04:00

I dunno what to say about this...

I have issues with...

discipline
walls
religion
health
travel

Take Word Association Test

I stole da link from one lazy blonde.

2003-09-26T15:47:00.000-04:00

I hate the news...

And all newspapers. I can't stand reading depressing shit like that. That's pretty much why I don't typically read the blogs that post only news and shit on a regular basis. I like to know stuff, so it's good if there's important news facts that I read on a few of the ones in my blogroll, but for the most part, I just don't wanna read only of news. I have the damn tv and newspaper, if I'm so inclined, to read about that shit. I really don't know what the point was here; I guess just to say I hate the news. That is all.

2003-09-26T14:55:00.000-04:00

"The end of reading is not more books but more life."
--Holbrook Jackson

My digestion must be fucked up lately. Things haven't been sitting well with me since yesterday afternoon. Well, it's really only been the lunch part that hasn't been going very well for me in regards to that. I felt fine last night after dinner, and after breakfast this morning, but now I feel that weird unsettled, kinda bloated feeling. Must be the dairy or something. It never bothered me to much of a degree, unless I drank a glass of milk, but having cereal for breakfast (which is the norm for me), and eating ice cream or yogurt, or cheese never affected me too much before. Maybe that's what it is. I had an ice cream sandwich during lunch today, so it makes sense. Ah well, I'm sure you're not very interested in my inner workings, so I'll conclude that topic. ;o)

Picked up my check this morning and saw a lot more people than I normally do on my route. It was just nice talking to some of those I actually liked working with during the week. I didn't think I'd be able to wake up at 6:45 this morning after crawling into bed at 11 something (even later falling asleep, since I read for a bit before really lying down), but I did. I shocked myself with that. Of course, I probably won't get up til noon or something tomorrow, just because I know the second day of waking up early is the one that hits me hardest.

Eh sorry. I'm boring today.I had some good shit to write about, but it's escaped me for the moment. Well, have a perfect Friday!! :oD

2003-09-25T18:06:00.000-04:00

"If you have knowledge, let others light their candles at it."
--Margaret Fuller

Ah hell. I hate being impatient. It happens every time I have to wait for someone to pick me up. Especially when I have to be somewhere at a certain time and my family members, who care nothing of the time, are not here until the last minute. I WILL be a very pissed Melissa if I don't get to see my Josh until really late. And that's not a pretty site. You really don't wanna be there. Be glad you aren't.

But this could all be averted if only the family would at least respect that I need to be somewhere at a certain time, and not fuck around at work, taking too long to do shit that should be done an hour earlier (when you stop getting paid for it at 5), and just trying to piss me off. I know my sis's attitude about people rushing her when she doesn't want to, and how she hates doing anything nice for anyone, so I know she was just taking her time, just because I asked to be picked up today. Dammit. I really wish I had nicer siblings sometimes. Or rather, the one that I see most often, that lives at home still, would just be a nice human being. She's not, unless she wants something. Then she's civil to you. Otherwise, forget it.

Gah!! This is aggravation at it's worst for me. I hate being dependent on others, yet I'm stuck in this position for awhile, and I sometimes think I'll go nuts. More so than I already have, anyway. ;oP

Ah well. Off to wait even longer for the bitch to get here.

BTW, I know the quote has nothing to do with the post, but I have so many quotes, that I figured it wouldn't do any harm to just add another, even if it had nothing to do with the subject. I'm not that picky right now anyway.

2003-09-25T15:16:00.000-04:00

Ahahaha!

My Cat Hates You

I picked this link up for the site from Vinny, and I decided to look for my name. Of course they don't have any cats named Melissa listed (I don't know many people who would name their cats that), but the did have Missy. I also was checking out some of the others, and the captions are perfect for the pics.

2003-09-25T15:04:00.000-04:00

here in my blog has the perfect quote on driving. I thought it was the best description yet that I've ever heard. Go look!

Ugh, something in stomach is not settling. I just got an ill-feeling. Maybe it's because I caught a whiff of the litterbox. Damn, that needs to be changed.

2003-09-25T14:32:00.000-04:00

I have a lavender aura!

Well, that's just my guess, anyway. I think crystal might be mixed in there too. I got this from auracolors:

Fantasy, enchantment, dreams, myths, spiritual beings, angels, fairies are all concepts which fill the Lavenders’ mind. Lavenders tend to live in a fantasy world. They prefer to spend their time out of their bodies, where life is pretty and enchanting. It is challenging for these airy beings to live in three-dimensional reality.

Lavenders prefer imaginary pictures of the world, seeing butterflies, flowers and wood nymphs rather than dirt, concrete and large cities. Physical reality seems cold and harsh to them. These sensitive creatures are fragile and frail, and their physical appearance is often weak and pale.

Lavenders’ skin is often alabaster white because they don’t like being outdoors, unless it is to be gently surrounded by beautiful flowers and gardens. These child-like personalities are sensitive and simple. Lavenders would rather spend time watching clouds float by or daydreaming. They prefer to escape this reality with all of its demands and responsibilities.

The Lavenders behavior tends to frustrate others who may expect them to be dependable and responsible. Lavenders have no understanding of what it means to hold a responsible job or to earn money. They are more familiar with other dimensions and imagined realities.

Lavenders even have a difficult time relating to or connecting with the concepts of time, space and physical matter. They tend to experience events in their imaginations, but they are not usually grounded enough in physical reality to actually accomplish anything tangible.

And here's the crystal aura description:

Crystal is a rare Life Color. Crystals have clear auras and are known as the "aura chameleons." Like chameleons, their auras will change colors to match those of the people they are connecting with at the time. They then take on the characteristics, behavior patterns, emotions and thoughts of that color.

Consequently, in power Crystals can get along quite well with almost anyone. Yellows , for example, feels they can relate to Crystals who, when they are with them, act and think like Yellows . Later, when the same Crystals spend time with Sensitive Tans, the Tans can feel as if they have found kindred spirits.

However, the Crystals’ inconsistencies can also confuse people. One minute Crystals think and behave like Greens . A short while later, they can act like Blues . The more they connect and bond with others, the more their personalities change.

Because Crystals tend to absorb the colors of other people's auras, people can, at times, feel an energy drain when they are in the presence of Crystals . In power, Crystals can be a clear conduit or channel for healing energy. Being natural healers, the Crystals’ gift is to help their clients clear blockages, thereby enabling the clients' own natural healing processes to take place.

While healing, balanced Crystals are able to keep their thoughts and emotions out of the way, making the healing more pure. Crystals do not always understand their healing abilities. It can often frighten and confuse them or cause them to feel overwhelmed. These rare souls are often physically fragile and delicate.

Because of their unusual sensitivity, they can only heal one person at a time. They then need to go to a peaceful place to cleanse their aura. Working with too many people can short-circuit their system.

I dunno if I'm accurate, but that's what I would pick for mine if I had to describe myself. Dunno about the healing part, cuz frankly, I suck at taking care of plants and whatnot, so I really doubt that part, but everything else seems to describe me well. Not to mention, purple is my fave color, and so I kinda like thinking that my aura is a shade of that color. :o)

P.S. I stole this link from Sam, btw.

2003-09-25T14:22:00.000-04:00

"In order to reach our full potential to learn, we must accept and then transform anxiety and fear, relentlessly seeking accurate information on our performance. What used to be perceived as criticism now becomes a gift for constructive growth."
--Michael Gelb and Tony Buzan

I'm really at a loss for words today. I dunno why; just am. Kinda wish that I had something worth writing about, but I really don't. I'm content today, since I'm going to see Josh tonight, but I can't think of anything good to write about. I suppose today is gonna be a link-fest kinda day. :o) That's not always such a bad thing, tho.

2003-09-25T14:01:00.000-04:00

Tbone's other site, the one in my blogroll, isn't working right now...
So here's his old one if you were wondering what the hell happened. I know I was. I just gave up after a few days and didn't think about checking the older one.

2003-09-24T19:43:00.000-04:00

Holy hell...

I am blogging out of sheer boredom. First time that's ever happened. I went completely through my blogroll, and went through most of my favorites, and now I'm just "thumbing" through new blogs that are on Blogger, or wherever I stumble upon. I found one, Where is my sponge candy?! that I'm adding to the blogroll, cuz I like the name. The posts I read so far are pretty good too, so I don't think I'm adding it just because of the name. I give myself more credit than that, although you don't have to. ;o)